Friday, April 20, 2012

The kids had today off as a flex day from school so Kinsey joined me at my appointment.  I was a little concerned the surgeon may put drains back in as Monday he said if the fluid was again present that would be the plan. Upon just visual assessment he said he was going to put in smaller drains. Then he palpated and felt that the fluid is actually less than on Monday. Of course pleading my case I chimed in with this was the longest stretch of time between aspirations so maybe waiting on drains would be fine. He said he was all for just aspirating again if I was OK with that. Absolutely!  It was definitely less. For now I am to see him Monday if I feel they need drained. If not monitor and if they need drained by Thursday call. Otherwise he will see me in 2-3 weeks. Sounded like a plan to me!!!  After I sat up from the procedure I looked at Kinsey's face. I immediately asked if she was OK and she said, "Yes, but that was gross!"  The surgeon and I both laughed and he assured her she had not even seen gross.

We left the office and hopped on the elevator. There stood a woman in a turban with her husband at her side. I couldn't hardly bear it. I started tearing up. I wanted so badly to tell her that I would pray for her but I just couldn't even speak so I said a silent prayer right then. By the time we reached the front door I was in tears. Why was she undergoing chemo and not me?  Why had she lost all her hair and I had escaped the horror of all those side effects?  Why did I have a clean bill of health and she was still fighting the fight? I didn't know the answer to any of those question but the reality that I could have been in her shoes just as easily was a bit overwhelming. I quickly added another prayer thanking God for keeping my journey much more simple. That was a humbling experience!

Kinsey continues to be interested and quietly supportive. The other day she said it had been awhile since she'd seen my incisions and asked to see them again. She was impressed with how much better they looked minus steri- strips and drains and with the bruising resolving. She again said she wouldn't reconstruct. I just find that so interesting at her age that she feels that way. I would have really expected her to be all for the rebuild process.

After we got home I showed her my new bra and inserts. The bra was no big deal but when I unzipped my little boxes and pulled out a silicone breast her eyes got huge!  She looked and hesitantly asked "Can I feel one?"  She was amazed at how heavy they felt but thought they were cool and that they would be just fine for me. Sometimes she cracks me up.

My friend who is several weeks ahead of me in her journey has four daughters. The oldest is in college. Before my surgery her daughter sent a lovely card to both me and Kinsey. I knew she had written a letter to Kinsey but I had yet to read it. The other day I finally asked Kinsey if I could read the letter. It was so sweet, so honest, and so moving. She poured out her heart, shared some of her feelings and offered support as well as advice to Kinsey. I can't help but feel Kinsey really has taken her advice to heart. How very sweet of her to take the time to share her experience on such a personal level. I hope that one day if Kinsey knows a young girl watching her mother facing a cancer diagnosis that she will step up and offer the same kind of support. Such a kind gesture!