Wednesday, January 9th, 2013

Well hello there 2013!  I patiently waited and waited for you and now I'm not so sure why. Once again I am baffling my doctors. Five appointments later (all part of  the new make-up brush saga) I am still miserable. Been to Urgent Care because my Dr. was booked and then back to his nurse practicioner. Sinus congestion persists and at times is profuse but without signs of infection. Headaches, jaw and tooth pain, and now bronchitis. Still feeling all started as an allergic reaction just not knowing why it's been over a month and why I can't fight it off.

In September when I had bronchitis and then the pre-op x-ray revealed it was really pneumonia my doctors agreed to proceed with surgery. That was based on the fact I had had no cough and because it had been three weeks. This time I've had a terrible cough for several days and wheezes and we are under three weeks. UGH!  No xray yet. If I don't respond to all the meds I'm on now, which includes steroids, then I will likely have to go through a third work up of my immune system. I don't see my plastics guy until Monday so I will have to explain this whole story and he will decide if surgery will proceed the 25th or not. I sure hope so. It's supposed to be the final step and the easiest part of the whole process. I have been patiently looking forward to this one and it can't get here soon enough.

A couple weeks ago I found a lump in my left breast. It has a very distinct shape and my gut says it's scar tissue since I do grow that quickly. Also because it's right along my incision line. I did call my plastic surgeon's office because although I won't need mammos they stressed that should the cancer return it would likely be very easily palpable. Of course that was on my mind. Also because it is in the side that had the malignancy. After talking to the Dr. the nurse came back to tell me that they would be happy to see me but it would be a week and it most likely is scar tissue. I just felt since my pre-op is only a week after that there was no need to go sit in the office again and pay a $50 co-pay. However my mind won't be fully at ease until he actually tells me that.

Besides feeling like I'm dying I have been pretty emotional this week. It is so hard being constantly sick. My friend Elizabeth has felt like this for years with her Lupus and is much younger than I. God love her resilience!   I actually broke down talking to the NP, something I just don't do. There has to be a reason my body catches everything I'm exposed to and has such a hard time fighting it off. Looking through my calendar the appointments are numerous and my deductible will be met very soon-it's only January for cry eye! And of course I had to miss two nights of work. Not what we needed at all. Makes me feel guilty and just puts more pressure on Brad.

These last few days have given me time for some movie marathons as I sit like a couched tater. Watched some great ones!  Marley and Me, Footloose, P.S. I Love You, just to name a few. It's also given me time to catch up with my cousin's wife. Remember Bubbles?  She finished her chemo! She sooooo rocks!  That girl has been through it! She is such an inspiration to me! There is no one I have talked to that I KNOW with complete certainty that understands my feelings. Oh it made me feel good talking to her today, for so many reasons! I hope and pray this is the end of it for her. She has been through way too much and deserves to live life to the fullest!

I have done my best to do my part to be healthy. I'm taking all the vitamins and other meds as instructed, was regularly exercising until the bronchitis and hope to get back to that by the weekend, and doing weight watchers. I went ahead and went just for weigh in yesterday since our group missed the last two meeting as they felll on both holidays. Even though I wasn't very good over Christmas I had lost 4 pounds for a grand total of 15!  I know I can't take full credit as being sick I'm sure played a part but man I do feel better in that respect. I really want to loose 10 more and that's totally doable. We are going on a houseboat vacation and I want to feel good about myself!

New schedule isn't out yet but I am hoping to work a day or two each of the next two weeks before surgery. I really want the cash because I have made an executive decision. After this is officially behind me I am treating myself to something I have never ever done before. I am doing an entire day at the spa!!! I'm talking mani, pedi, massage, facial, and lunch! If I have anything left I may just go away for a weekend all by myself just to escape and regroup! I am way overdue and quite frankly I feel I've earned some pampering.

So my short term goals are:
-get better
-get surgery behind me
-a day at the spa
-possibly a weekend away
For the first time since my wedding day I may actually feel like a "Princess" and I can't wait!!!!