Thursday, January 31, 2013

First I want to thank my cousin Megan for sharing with me a very moving video. At first it seemed too graphic and maybe even too emotional to share with all of you. However, after serious consideration, I decided I shouldn't be the one to decide if you watch this video or not. You all should make that decision. I will warn you it's not for the faint of heart. The emotion is strong and the photos are very graphic of the physical scars that can be left behind. I know of women who have faced not just one, not just three, but 15-18 surgeries in order to get through what should have been a fairly uncomplicated breast cancer. Things so often don't go as we plan. This video is testimony of that and I found it overwhelmingly moving for so many reasons.

1.  The courage it took this woman to share her story as well as her photos detailing how disfiguring cancer can be
2.  The desire she has to share so that other women out there know they are not alone
3.  The incredible strength it must take to understand that cancer can only take so much from a person-it can't take your spirit unless you let it!
4.  Our society focuses on perfect beauty and why?  This woman doesn't feel the need to hide behind wigs, or make up or prosthetics, she simply wants to be herself. She simply wants to touch lives.
5.  And lastly, I find it truly inspiring that her husband of just 6 months choose to be an incredible pillar in her journey.

As I watched this video I cried and cried for so many reasons. The sad reality is that many women have had a much bumpier road than I. Some are open about it and some keep silent in their struggles. NO ONE deserves to go through a cancer journey, no matter how non-complicated it may be, by themselves. I am amazed at how many muddle through feeling alone or abandoned. Setbacks, infections, and physical scars are horrible. However I am a firm believer that none are as damaging as the emotional scars left behind.  They don't just affect the person with the diagnosis, they also affect their loved ones. As I have said before, sometimes the loved ones fall through the cracks. That is why I have tried so hard to offer my husband in particular, outlets and resources to help him deal as well. It is still my goal to get him to share some of his thoughts and feelings throughout this past year. Please, if you are not too faint of stomach or heart, take a few minutes to watch this story of undying determination and love!

• http://vimeo.com/57648966

  
  

Thursday, January 31, 2013

Monday night's support group meeting was our largest yet even on a very foggy night. We were glued to our guest speaker as she told her personal cancer journey as a three time survivor and now a published author. Clearly she touched each of us in the room but especially one gal who is also a repeat survivor. It had to be difficult yet comforting for her to sit through the presentation.

I can't begin to share this story with  the feeling or energy which Lort presented it. Her visual aides, tea cups in incremental sizes, helped bring everything into perspective. Her energy, emotion and enthusiasm drew us close, almost as if we had been there at the time.

At the young age of 34 Lori was going about her daily routine of wife, biological mother of two, career woman, and future mother of an adopted Chinese daughter. She had no idea her life was about to change forever.  She pulled out a tiny little tea cup explaining how it represented her life at that time and how it never overflowed because God had not given her more than she could handle.

Soon she brought out a small tea cup. This represented her initial diagnosis. Lori fell ill one hot August afternoon while visiting the state fair. One thing led to another and what was originally diagnosed as a common illness quickly revealed a rapidly growing tumor on an ovary. Surgery was planned but the tumor had other plans and ruptured a few days prior to her scheduled surgery date.  Doctors soon confirmed ovarian cancer stage 2. The fact it was caught relatively early was great, however the fact the tumor ruptured complicated things. As the doctors explained the tumor had shared it's cancer cells all throughout Lori's abdomen. All her female parts were removed and she underwent aggressive chemo. It was nearly more than her body could handle.

Just after completing her rounds of chemotherapy her doctor asked Lori to undergo a colonoscopy as a precautionary measure due to some abnormal blood work. This simple test revealed more cancer-this time stage 4 colon cancer. Needless say this news was incredibly overwhelming!

As you can well imagine the size of Lori's tea cups kept growing as she spoke. Although feeling like giving up at times she was determined not to let the tea spill over onto her saucer.  Her colon cancer also required chemo, another devastating blow.  But through it all she persevered. Her husband made the trip to China over the Christmas holiday and returned home with their newly adopted beautiful baby girl. This was a great motivating factor as Lori knew this little girl really needed her new mother.

After a short remission Lori was again given bad news. Again she pulled out a larger tea cup. This time the news was a spot on her left lung. Surgery would be incredibly painful and recovery would be tough. Fortunately Lori's husband and family would not give up on her. The community and the church repeatedly came forward to help with meals, cleaning, child care, and financial needs. Although Lori felt her cup may eventually overflow it never did. She continued to persevere.

Eventually her story caught us up to the present. Looking at Lori's tiny blonde body you would have no idea she had endured such intense pain and suffering not just once but three times. You also wouldn't know that her mental and physical strength had been put to the ultimate test to the point she nearly didn't survive.  But maybe most importantly, unless you were fortunate enough to hear her journey in her own words, you would never know how it strengthened her faith and trust in God and made her even a better witness to Him!

Near the end of her presentation Lori explained that the doctors said she would have a 75% chance of recurrences. That is when she shared she is currently awaiting more test results.  That was almost more than I could bear to hear. Through all of this her tea cups grew, never once overflowing. Somehow she has managed to fill them to the brim with positive outcomes. She helps lead our local Community Cancer Network and she and her husband have adopted a little boy with special needs from another foreign country. Not only is Lori a three time cancer survivor but as I said earlier she is also a published author.

While purchasing her book I spoke with her one on one.  Although my experience pales in comparison to hers we still shared many things in common. She spoke on such a personal level so I asked if she was OK with being placed on my church's prayer chain. Of course the answer was "sure!" I must say she has risen to the top of my list of people I admire most.

I am again going to use my blog as a way to lift someone I know up in prayer. If you will all join with me  maybe this time Lori can beat the odds and maybe, just maybe, her test results will come back normal. That is certainly my hope and prayer for her and her family! In the meantime may God stay by her side and keep her strong enough to endure whatever news it is that she will receive in February. And thank you Lori and Todd for making the trek to Benton Co to share your amazing cancer journey with our small group!

Monday, January 28, 2013

Surgery was Friday and Senior day for our girls basketball team was Saturday. I had already told my niece/Goddaughter that I wouldn't be able to make it. Had scheduled my surgery so I could be there then they changed the celebration date. I was so bummed. Well, I surprised even myself. Slept in Saturday and felt pretty darn good. Very minimal pain and no drainage what so ever. I took it slow and showered then rested awhile. Still felt fine so surprised family and friends when I showed up at the ball game. A friend's daughter spotted me first and told Cassidy I was there. She came running off the court during warm ups to give me a big sweaty hug and thank me for coming. That made the trip worth it!  Came home for a bit and even made it to church and fixed a nice dinner. But that was it I called it a day!

Sunday I did some scrapping and laid around most of the day. Really amazing how little pain is associated with this surgery. I am not even using dressings, just wearing a sports bra for a little support. I think the result looks good!  Way softer and more natural that's for sure. I am certain I have fluid build up in the right side. I can't see it or even actually palpate it but with a quick movement it can be heard-a sort of sloshing noise. Very weird!  Brad even heard it.

I called and got my post-op appointment set for next week and mentioned the fluid sound. I am hoping it will reabsorb on it's own and not cause any problems. For now everything looks symmetrical and I am not having any problems. My surgeon isn't worried unless it causes discomfort, drainage, etc.

A few days before surgery I received sort of a "wake up" call if you will. It doesn't just seem that I have lived in the hospital and doctors' offices, I really have. My insurance company had reviewed all my claims and called offering me some "extra services" if I qualified. They were very vague and said  they needed to do a brief questionnaire if I thought I might be interested. I agreed. Well right out of the gate I knew where it was going. Having asked the same types of things of my own patients in the past I was well aware they were screening me for depression and suicidal thoughts or tendencies. Well I failed their test, in a good way!  That meaning my answers did not indicate that I was experiencing or at risk for either. In some ways it was kind of odd having someone follow up on me for such issues. However I must say that I am very glad to know that my insurance is proactive in this area and is trying to get treatment for their clients who may need it. I have always said that our healthcare system fails miserably in the area of mental health so it's good to know my provider is on top of things.

My friend had her surgery this morning and sent me a message that she was home already and resting fine. Am anxious to talk to her and compare notes. So glad it's behind both of us!

Am just hanging out at home today. Did walk on the treadmill, just 3/4 of a mile so as not to overdo it. Pulling dinner out of the freezer and going to do a bit more scrapping. Scrapping is great therapy for me so I'm just going to head to the basement on this dreary winter day, turn on some music and scrap away! This evening is our Cancer Support Group meeting with a guest speaker. I can't wait to hear her. We took a break over the holidays, and I am quite ready to get back into the monthly meetings. What a wonderful outlet this group has been. Really hoping we can continue to grow in size and help others along their journeys!

Saturday, January 26, 2013

Well I did try to post yesterday, surgery day, but my computer simply wouldn't co-operate. Managed to have a few days headache free. Which by the way, the Dr. and I decided to wait out any medication adjustments until after surgery to see if it was simply stress related migraines. Seemed very reasonable and I was good with that. Also spoke with him about my migraine med lowering my BP and asked if it would be fair enough to hold it the morning of the surgery since my BP tends to drop. He said that was a great plan.

My Dad and his fiance', my sister, and mother-in-law all joined me for surgery.. I sat to check in and the receptionist commented, " This isn't your first rodeo is it?"  I was cracking up so told her I expected she had my insurance card memorized and my name in lights on the surgery suite. She added, "Flashing lights!"  Well, no lights but I did get my very own private room with plenty of chairs for family instead of the regular cubicle.with just curtains. Heck for all I know I probably paid for that room! haha

" All is well that ends well" and this ended well!  Surgery got started about an hour late. Love my anesthesiologist. She was very attentive about my experiences post-op last time and went all through my chart. She had done at least one of my other surgeries so compared her notes to the last doctor's. Only difference was he used Morphine and she used Demerol. I have had both in the past so that should not have been a factor. She really feels that my last surgery was so long that simply being sedated for several hours was likely the cause of my dissociation-my mind and my speech not working together. My sister even chimed in and explained how I really did act as though I had had a small stroke and that I was so afraid I refused to see my family for awhile until I had answers.   Don't know the exact length of this surgery as my doctor went on to the next case while I was in recovery before talking to us. Seems it was near two hours plus time in recovery. He did not have problems with scar tissue,  there was almost no blood loss, and they gave me extra fluids to help prevent low blood pressure. My pressure did get below 100 before I left so hopefully it won't drop any further. No nausea thanks to preparing for that and for the scopolamine patch-my true friend! Just feel really tired.

I managed a quick nap once home. Brody, Brad and Kinsey all rolled in shortly there after. Needless to say it was a rough day for Brad but we kept him updated all along. He brought me home the most beautiful card and wrote a very special message inside.  Later in the evening I just felt very restless. Went to bed for a few hours but I'm back up now piddling.

Of course had to wear my pink today. Our little nephew Hayden gave me the beautiful scarf for Christmas so of course it was a must!  One of the nurses came walking out before I was called back and gave me a thumbs up saying "I love it."  Had my pink bags for clothes and as my purse too. A good friend from high school posted this shirt of Face Book after I said I had heard of it. Am thinking that's my motto!

I am to see my plastic surgeon in one to two weeks as follow up. For now I have minimal dressing on and the mesh around my chest to hold it in place like I did in the past. It seems the end result looks pretty good already. He went back in the same incision line but only made the cut about half the length of the last two times. I am on prophylactic antibiotics and feel that is a great thing just to help prevent any infection. Some of my scars were healing quite nicely. I did use mederma on them so maybe that helped. Those are the least of my worries since I don't really see them anyway. Never thought I would say this but I can't wait to be ready to buy new bras. After all I do have that Victoria Secret gift card burning a whole in my pocket. 

And although this comment is a little disturbing I simply have to share what my sis-in-law said. She was asking about these final steps. I told her I wasn't saying never but at this point I didn't want my "points" back. Meaning I'm not doing the nipple surgery or the tatoo.  Keep in mind we were texting and in a split second I get, "Wouldn't a raisin and one of those circle bandaids do just fine??? I was absolutely rolling. The things some folks have come up with throughout this process absolutely crack me up!

One again I want to take a moment to thank everyone for the texts, calls, FB messages and emails! They are so important in helping me stay positive. And the humor you all share plays a key part as well. I sat tonight and wrote a poem thanking everyone. I will be using it at the pink party I will be throwing this spring to thank my biggest supporters. Will also post it on here eventually. Couldn't have made it without prayers and support!

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Spent some time this week following up with some fellow survivors. A high school classmate who I have spoken of before is still undergoing radiation treatments for uterine cancer.  Her goal is to have those completed by her birthday in February. That would make for an amazing birthday present for her!  Another friend has taken a big step and has learned how to administer her own weekly injections. I'm so proud of her! That just isn't in everyone's comfort zone.  Monday a nurse friend will also be receiving her implant. We can't wait to both be healed up enough to go have lunch and celebrate together.  These gals are doing well and like me are hoping to move forward and make 2013 a much better year.

My good friend Lana had a friend pass away in her 30's from melanoma. Although I never met Leontien I  read her blog and felt like I knew her. I prayed for her and kept updated on her illness through Lana. The poor dear was buried on her 34th birthday and just a couple of days before her 5th wedding anniversary. Her story is one of love, strength, and courage. You read it and simply can't understand why such horrible things happen to such good people. Her words inspired many. Lana was good enough to share some tidbits I had missed along the way. I just thought I would pass them along so you too can be inspired by them.

TEN WAYS TO LOVE

1.  Listen without interrupting - Proverbs 18:13

2.  Speak without accusing - James 1:19

3.  Give without sparing - Proverbs 21:26

4.  Pray without ceasing - Colossian 1:9

5.  Answer without arguing - Proverbs 17:1

6.  Share without pretending - Ephesians 4:15

7.  Enjoy without complaint - Philippians 2:14

8.  Trust without wavering - I Corinthians 13:7

9.  Forgive without punishing - Colossians 3:13

10. Promise without forgetting - Proverbs 13:12

If you haven't discovered Leontien's Blog, Four Leaf Clover Tales, I hope you will take the time to get to know her and listen to the voice in her words. Start with her first entry on April 15, 2010, and read.  You don't want to miss all the lessons she has to share with you.  It's a beautiful story about life.

Finally, one of Leontien's favorite phrases she lived by:

"I can be changed by what happens to me.

  But I refuse to be reduced by it"

                                                                                                 ~Maya Angelou

As I think about the journey of these amazing women I remember that God gave us all these crosses to bear for a reason. Although I have felt completely drained these past two weeks from the stress in my personal life, I know there is a reason for it. I firmly believe that taking charge of the things we can control helps keep us strong and confident.  I have tried to do that to the best of my ability.  I have no fear and really no worries about this surgery at all, am just ready to have it completed. Today I tried to cross things off my list and take a little time for some relaxing. My normal pre-op routine includes getting groceries, doing laundry, and cleaning. I made dinner for tomorrow night and put a couple other goodies in the fridge. I  got my hair highlighted and the toesies are done in bright pink with sparkles. To finish unwinding I took a nice long Jacuzzi bubble bath. AHHHH!  Looking forward to  a good night's sleep before hopefully the final stop on this crazy year long journey. As I crawl into bed I will reflect on Leontien's words and know that although her journey ended differently than mine, we strangers shared a common bond. She has taught me a lot!

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Five days and counting!  Man has this last week been rough. I could have never anticipated there being so much tension surrounding this final step. Knowing all this will soon be behind me and that I can start the next chapter of my life cancer free should be very empowering. Instead, I would have to say this last couple weeks have brought about as much stress as I  felt before the mastectomies and all the uncertainty surrounding  that. I know part of it is that we just finished paying off the medical bills and now this starts the process all over again. UGH!

My migraines have raged out of control and I'm certain that's due to so much tension. I've had five of them this past week. Fortunately I already had an appointment scheduled to see my headache doctor. I hate headache pain and the blurred vision it causes hampers my driving as well as my ability to read and write, so it needs to be controlled ASAP. We will see what he has to say tomorrow.

As I have mentioned before, the financial toll this all takes doesn't help either. Not all the medical bills the past five years have been from me, but most of them have.  I know it shouldn't, but for me that causes guilt, and it's clearly caused Brad a lot of stress. Had my issues been more spaced out I would have at least had benefit time to use or been eligible for short term disability. Not being able to capitalize on either of those options has meant keeping a very tight reign on the budget.  Brad and I have sat down and formulated a plan that I think will relieve a lot of that pressure for both of us. At least we are blessed with good jobs so that we can make some headway soon. Now I just pray this will be the end of significant health issues for all of us for a very long time.

My goal for the week is to de-stress as much as possible. A couple of lunch dates with girlfriends, getting my hair and toes done, and a Jacuzzi bubble bath should do the trick!

All arrangements are ironed out for surgery day. Since this is the fifth procedure I've had at the surgery center in 18 months I'm expecting they are all ready for me. They probably have my insurance card memorized, my signature made into a rubber stamp so I don't even have to sign my consent form, I'm guessing I will see my name in lights as they wheel me into my own personal surgery suite and heck, I shouldn't even need a wrist band as I'm pretty sure I'm on a first name basis there! Haha just kidding! 

In the meantime I'm trying to stay as healthy as possible, take all my vitamins, keep exercising, and will start my pre-op prophylactic antibiotics as ordered. Come on Friday!!!

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Yesterday was my pre-op appointment with my plastic surgeon. I was a bit worried with all the issues I've had, in particular the bronchitis. I told him all the meds I'd been on and that I was finally feeling better. This time I used the "no ask no tell" policy. He didn't ask about a cough or wheezing (which I expected he would since I had been on an inhaler)  so I didn't tell him! I did let him know I never had a fever and that I am back on the treadmill with no issues. He listened to my lungs and gave me the all clear. Whew!

I started through my list of questions first asking verification that the lump is scar tissue. He said it is. Surgery should be 1 1/2 to 2 hours and should be a piece of cake compared to the past two. Time off work should be minimal and pain should be minimal. The best part is there is no plan for drains. That was music to my ears!!! Because I had such issues with the anesthesia last time I requested a different anesthesiologist. Looks like I will actually get my favorite one! Pretty bad when you've had so many surgeries you have a fave! Of course I did work indirectly with several of them in my years of critical care nursing. I also discussed my blood pressure dropping after each of the last two surgeries and how I needed fluid boluses. I will not be spending the night this time so if my pressure drops that is a trip to the ER and of course I want to avoid that. He had no idea why my pressure dropped so I will also address this with my anesthesiologist.

This fella is quite picky and insisted on revising the left side slightly. He feels scarring and the extra work he needed to do there last time has led to some shifting of the expander. He will extend my pockets just a bit so as to hold the largest implant for my chest measurement without causing any bunching under my armpit. I got to choose which side I currently think looks more natural. I choose the right therefore it's the left that will get revisions. Guess I am officially ready to roll on the 25th at 11am! I can't wait!!!

Still having a very difficult time with lack of support here and it has led me to  a very difficult decision. I told Brad over the weekend that I only want my sister there for this next surgery. I need to go in without the stress he adds with his extreme discomfort in a medical setting and the lack of support he offers me.  Physical presence only does so much and throughout all of this I have been more than open about the emotional support that I've needed.  There have been a couple of nice touches-the photo of our rings and his bracelet, the breast cancer checks, but outside of that I feel he has physically been there for appointments and made a handful of calls checking on my pain.  Needless to say I'm not a real popular person right now but I feel it's time to put me first for a change. This has been a year long process and he has had every opportunity for dialogue, questions. reading material, support group meetings, you name it. Finally last night he admitted he hasn't been here for me. No news to me but there was some relief in hearing him actually say it. At least now I can officially confirm that what I have felt for a year has been very real and not me just being too critical of him.

No one goes through this kind of stress without ups and downs but I have felt I have done pretty doggone well with it all. I have offered him outlets, I have reached out to his family and let them know he, more than I needed their support, I have said I would do counseling if he wasn't handling all of this. Those around me, with the exception of Brad, have repeatedly told me I have been very strong and even an inspiration. They have no idea that their kind words have been exactly what has helped me keep on keepin' on. So that's my decision and I'm sticking with it. Sometimes no matter how much we love someone we have to do what is best for our own mental and physical well-being. Right now this is what I need to do for me.

Some may read this and say "Wow, that's pretty harsh." As the old saying goes, don't judge until you've walked in the other person's shoes. That's OK if that's how you feel. After all the networking, reading, research, learning, and support meetings I have been to I feel  that by sharing this maybe I will give someone else, male or female, the courage to do what is right for them. So much info will tell you it's so important to have the proper support systems and to build on those. It has taken me a long time to come to this decision. It wasn't easy, and I  have cried over it. All along my doctors have encouraged me to have those who are my true support by me. That has mostly been my sister and Kinsey. Kinsey has a rough semester and it is only beginning.  She will be here but not until after class, and I am just fine with that. My sister has been my health care representative for years and is very knowledgeable. Therefore should there be any decisions to be made she will be the one to make them. Brad will just be a phone call away and can certainly be involved if he chooses to be.

As for now I'm still trying to rebuild my energy level. Still pretty tired without a whole lot of activity. Tonight will be my first night back to work since I have been sick. I'm anxious to get back into my routine.  From here  the countdown begins to the new me...10 days!!!!!!!

Wednesday, January 9th, 2013

Well hello there 2013!  I patiently waited and waited for you and now I'm not so sure why. Once again I am baffling my doctors. Five appointments later (all part of  the new make-up brush saga) I am still miserable. Been to Urgent Care because my Dr. was booked and then back to his nurse practicioner. Sinus congestion persists and at times is profuse but without signs of infection. Headaches, jaw and tooth pain, and now bronchitis. Still feeling all started as an allergic reaction just not knowing why it's been over a month and why I can't fight it off.

In September when I had bronchitis and then the pre-op x-ray revealed it was really pneumonia my doctors agreed to proceed with surgery. That was based on the fact I had had no cough and because it had been three weeks. This time I've had a terrible cough for several days and wheezes and we are under three weeks. UGH!  No xray yet. If I don't respond to all the meds I'm on now, which includes steroids, then I will likely have to go through a third work up of my immune system. I don't see my plastics guy until Monday so I will have to explain this whole story and he will decide if surgery will proceed the 25th or not. I sure hope so. It's supposed to be the final step and the easiest part of the whole process. I have been patiently looking forward to this one and it can't get here soon enough.

A couple weeks ago I found a lump in my left breast. It has a very distinct shape and my gut says it's scar tissue since I do grow that quickly. Also because it's right along my incision line. I did call my plastic surgeon's office because although I won't need mammos they stressed that should the cancer return it would likely be very easily palpable. Of course that was on my mind. Also because it is in the side that had the malignancy. After talking to the Dr. the nurse came back to tell me that they would be happy to see me but it would be a week and it most likely is scar tissue. I just felt since my pre-op is only a week after that there was no need to go sit in the office again and pay a $50 co-pay. However my mind won't be fully at ease until he actually tells me that.

Besides feeling like I'm dying I have been pretty emotional this week. It is so hard being constantly sick. My friend Elizabeth has felt like this for years with her Lupus and is much younger than I. God love her resilience!   I actually broke down talking to the NP, something I just don't do. There has to be a reason my body catches everything I'm exposed to and has such a hard time fighting it off. Looking through my calendar the appointments are numerous and my deductible will be met very soon-it's only January for cry eye! And of course I had to miss two nights of work. Not what we needed at all. Makes me feel guilty and just puts more pressure on Brad.

These last few days have given me time for some movie marathons as I sit like a couched tater. Watched some great ones!  Marley and Me, Footloose, P.S. I Love You, just to name a few. It's also given me time to catch up with my cousin's wife. Remember Bubbles?  She finished her chemo! She sooooo rocks!  That girl has been through it! She is such an inspiration to me! There is no one I have talked to that I KNOW with complete certainty that understands my feelings. Oh it made me feel good talking to her today, for so many reasons! I hope and pray this is the end of it for her. She has been through way too much and deserves to live life to the fullest!

I have done my best to do my part to be healthy. I'm taking all the vitamins and other meds as instructed, was regularly exercising until the bronchitis and hope to get back to that by the weekend, and doing weight watchers. I went ahead and went just for weigh in yesterday since our group missed the last two meeting as they felll on both holidays. Even though I wasn't very good over Christmas I had lost 4 pounds for a grand total of 15!  I know I can't take full credit as being sick I'm sure played a part but man I do feel better in that respect. I really want to loose 10 more and that's totally doable. We are going on a houseboat vacation and I want to feel good about myself!

New schedule isn't out yet but I am hoping to work a day or two each of the next two weeks before surgery. I really want the cash because I have made an executive decision. After this is officially behind me I am treating myself to something I have never ever done before. I am doing an entire day at the spa!!! I'm talking mani, pedi, massage, facial, and lunch! If I have anything left I may just go away for a weekend all by myself just to escape and regroup! I am way overdue and quite frankly I feel I've earned some pampering.

So my short term goals are:
-get better
-get surgery behind me
-a day at the spa
-possibly a weekend away
For the first time since my wedding day I may actually feel like a "Princess" and I can't wait!!!!