A bit more on my doctor visit yesterday. He asked "How are you doing with all of this?" I told him I feel I am doing great and that everyone tells me I'm doing great. His response, "That's on the outside. How are you on the inside?" This isn't his first rodeo and obviously he wondered if I was being completely truthful. I assured him that overall I have truly done well but that I am really trying to get Brad's thoughts because I am struggling with the reconstruction decision. He stressed that I need to consider my feelings first. He feels Brad doesn't care but said get his opinion and my sisters and weigh my options and go from there. Well, I know Brad thinks reconstruct but I don't know all his reasoning or what he would feel if I didn't. My doctor also stressed that reconstruction in no way looks like your original body and that the object is how you look and feel in clothes. I totally understand that, not sure Brad does. He further went on to say that the prostheses are not bad you just can't wear as low cut clothing etc but that they look very natural. Well, I can confirm that with my brief experience so far. They are comfortable at this point, just not sure how hot they will be in the summer but I'm guessing not much hotter than the natural thing.
Brad did follow up on my doctor visit and stressed he REALLY thinks reconstruction. Kinsey says forget it and don't worry about it. I know my sister's opinion without asking. She likes hers and I don't think she could do without them! LOL Brad said he's concerned that when we camp, go to the lake, and when it gets hot and I'm not in layers that it will bother me. I stressed things won't look the same at all. He says he understands that. I just told him it's difficult to agree to a surgery that I know is not just painful but painful intermittently for a long period of time, is a multi-step process, will require maintenance at some point, and requires every three year MRI's to check the status of the implants. That is a lot to think about especially coming off of three surgeries in 8 months. However if I don't reconstruct and I lose this extra skin it's a done deal and I can't go the other way. That is huge! I just baffle myself thinking how simple lumpectomy vs mastectomy was for me. It's even wilder how easy it was for me to say take both sides and be done. Many women cry for days over those decisions. Not me, just do it and move on. But good grief the thought of putting them back has me completely twitterpated!!!!
I feel better all the time about looking at my scars. However when I open my underwear drawer and see all those bras I do feel a sense of loss. It has brought a tear to my eye. Still so far I have not had any lengthy cries specifically related to this surgery. Sometimes I think that almost isn't right. Yes, tearful and even fearful moments but nothing that consumed me or lasted any length of time. If anything I just feel somewhat deserted here at home while Brad and the kids have moved on with their daily routine and mine's still not back to normal. I'm always a construction widow in the spring and I knew to expect that, but I shared with Brad that this spring it's so much harder. I just feel I need him more. I know he's massively stressed with work and his TV time is his de-stresser. It doesn't work for me! Then you factor in that we are down to three weekends to get the house and the yard in order because we need to get to a bunch of open houses too and they start before graduation. I was perfectly fine with all of this until the drains went back in and put a quick halt to the level of activity I was able to do.
Besides decisions lurking in the back of my mind and the pain from newly inserted tubes it was a day of milestones. My 6 foot one inch "Little Brody" got his license! Then there was all the hoopla for Kinsey's Senior Prom-nails, hair, make-up, pictures. Of course I got a photo of our new driver and our princess! Just when I thought I had escaped tears I realized Kinsey had on her "Fight Like a Girl' bracelet. I reminded her to take it off thinking she'd forgotten. Not so, she insisted on wearing it. That brought a subtle tear :(
Poor Man's Peanut Butter Cups
-jar of peanut butter -chocolate chips
Remove lid from jar, open bag of chips. Get a large spoon and dip into peanut butter. Sprinkle on chips. Open mouth and insert spoon. If you are having a really bad day cover the above with Cool Whip!
Easy Chocolate Chip Cookies
Remove wrapper and place 2 inches of dough in a bowl.
Microwave for 30-45 sec until dough is warm
Remove from microwave and eat with a spoon
* If having a bad day unwrap the tube of dough and eat like a corn dog
* For an extremely bad day freeze cookie dough and use the frozen tube to knock sense into whomever it is that causes you pain!
Hmmm which one should I try first????
No comments:
Post a Comment