Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Started off my day with a trip to the vet with our furry child Molly. The support I/we have received has come in so many fashions but sometimes it comes when you least expect it. After checking Molly out Dr. Lisa asked is she could pray with/for me.  My response: absolutely!!! She said the most beautiful words and asked God to not only heal but to give us strength for the road ahead. It was very moving and timing couldn't be better, in a couple of hours I would be seeing my oncologist for the first time.

I arrived at the oncology office and the initial feeling was overwhelming!  First I saw a mentally challenged woman wheelchair bound wearing her turban. Next a frail, sickly woman leaving, and finally another with her head covered, obviously receiving chemo. I was in an oncology office and would expect to see this, but it was just too much. At one point I actually thought I was going to throw up.  What a relief when they finally put me in a room to myself so I didn't have to stare cancer in the face-literally! I needed time to myself to collect my thoughts.

My visit happened in stages so I was able to check my messages. I breathed a huge sigh of relief when I learned that my friend who had been in surgery for her bilateral mastectomies had done very well. The best news of all was that her lymph node came back clean-no cancer!!!  That was the good news we were all hoping for! Now she could move on with her journey being considered in remission!

I was told I would be coming in for just the gene testing. I soon learned the oncologist did have time to see me so I could get my meet and greet appointment out of the way too. Perfect except I had told my family not to join me because it was just a blood draw. Dang it!  I quick texted Brad. He was on campus and couldn't get to me in time. Next my sister. As luck would have it she was able to leave work early and join me.  Met at length with the Dr. who was very thorough with our family history. She wanted names, ages, types of cancer, to know if they were still living or deceased. She was amazed that we have several first cousins who have had cancers and at young ages. This was a big red flag.  Just to get you up to speed I had an aunt with breast cancer, she has a daughter with it. I had another first cousin who died of breast cancer, a first cousin who had colon cancer and her mother, my aunt who had a form of skin cancer. My dad has had colon and skin cancer and his mom, my grandma has had skin cancer. Dad had a first cousin who died of ovarian cancer. YIKES!!!  Obviously gene testing is a must for me!

The doctor went over each piece of info thoroughly and said that back in 07 and 09 there was a suspicious area in my left breast. I remembered the every 6 month mammos but was thinking they were for the area in the right. When the radiologist had called me back this time she started by saying "here is the area we have been watching in the right. It's unchanged. "  Hmm, that was confusing. At any rate it sounded as that area in the left must have been unchanged after that. Things are getting curiouser and curiouser!  Next she moved on to my MRI. Also very concerned about the large size of my area but did state she has seen many that large. Probably the only new piece of information was she had the pathology report in hand-the  first and second opinions.  It raised question in the area of grading.  Cancer can be staged and graded. Grading can happen with the initial biopsy but most of the staging happens later.  Locally the grade was listed as intermediate.  Out of town listed it as high grade. This was a concern because that can indicate the cancer is spreading. That must have been what the nurse from out of town referred to when she called the other day and said they were concerned this may now be invasive.  Lovely!

 At any rate the doctor was very compassionate and very helpful and she really stressed she likes to treat the whole body-body, mind and spirit.  I liked this! She stressed how mind over matter and positive attitude drives so much. I know in my own experiences I have seen that. If I sent a person to open heart surgery who was scared to death or negative they almost never did as well as the person I sent with a positive "I will overcome" attitude. Been working hard to keep mine upbeat!

Again tonight was an update for Brad on the outcome of my day. This was quickly becoming normal at our house. Now all we can do is wait for the gene testing to come back. This will be the determining factor if we save the right or take it off. Sorry if I have you all confused by now. There is so much information and each decision hinges on the outcome of the next piece of the puzzle. Someone asked me, "when you get done with these appointments aren't you just so tired?"  Let me tell you, you have no idea. It is physically and emotionally draining. So, I decided to recharge with a Frappe Mocha on the way home!