Easter Sunday, April 8, 2012
I love it when Easter comes later in the spring. Our weather this year has been off the charts-several 80 degree days, ornamental trees already blossomed and now leafed out, spring flowers in full bloom, and no rain on Easter Sunday! I can't imagine if I were recovering from this surgery in the dead of winter and knowing I had chemo and radiation in my future. As I told Kinsey Friday, this beautiful weather makes life so much easier!
Today was a long day. We were up early for church so we would for sure have a seat. I struggled with what to wear as I really don't have anything very appropriate just yet. Kinsey gave me some of her Columbia fleece jackets that zip up the front. Those are perfect because there is an inner pocket that can hold my drains should both of my cammies be dirty at the same time plus they are nice and warm. I was able to wear a camisole and then a nice shirt with the jacket over the top. Not as dressy as I'd like but it worked. I thought it smart to take just one pain pill before church as we are Catholic so the up and down Jane Fonda workout we get at Mass was going to be the most activity I'd had yet. Well that was a good idea for pain control, not so good considering it was standing room only. As we began to be sardined in (I'm sure the fire marshal would have had a cow!) it began to heat up. Between the temperature and the whoosy effect of the pain pill I wasn't sure I was going to make it without passing out. Father kept it quick and in 45 minutes we were headed home. Brad made brunch and it was straight to bed for me. I got up for awhile, took a brief walk in the yard and visited with a neighbor then it was back to bed.
About 4:30 we headed to my sister's for a delicious Easter dinner. I did muster up the energy yesterday to make a strawberry pie. My brother smoked a turkey, my sis made homemade dressing and sides and we all carried in sides. It was delicious. Grandma Betty was able to join us. At 94 she is doing quite well and it was good to have her. Think it made her feel better being able to see me since surgery. She assured me she had prayed many rosaries. So much to be thankful for-Grandma still able to join us, Dad and Dianne neither in good health being there, me 5 days post-op, and then the rest of the usual gang. Unfortunately my fatigue continued and I was the biggest party pooper. We stayed just a couple of hours then I found my way back to the lazy boy at home. Do think this is the most tired I have been since surgery. It was off to bed early again but a Happy Easter was had by all.
Through Thick and Thin
Monday, April 9, 2012
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Sorry my posts are never posted on the day I type them. Just have to do them when I feel up to it. And invariably I type them up and tweak them a dozen times before posting :)
Slept fairly well last night. No more terrible burning at the drain sites, thank goodness! Had a hard time with my shower this morning, a brief moment of tears. The new body image is going to take awhile to get used to. The first few times it didn't bother me too much, but for some reason it was harder today. Felt a bit nauseated when I looked at my chest. If you can imagine craters where breasts used to be, bruising becoming much more evident, two 6 inch long incisions with stitches and steri-strips, another under my arm about two inches long, and two lovely drains...well it isn't exactly a Picasso!
As mentioned before I asked the kids initially if they wanted to see the incisions. Brody opted yes, however I have not involved him in any of my personal care. Just think it's not in his comfort zone unless he is my only resource. However, for those who know Brody, he is an amazing kid who would do anything for anyone, even if it is an awkward moment with his mom. Heaven knows many of us have already been faced with caring for our parents and grandparents as they age and for many of them it's more comfortable for a family member to help them than a stranger, even if it is the opposite sex. We've told the kids this is good practice for when we get old-assuming we live to old age! :) Both kids seem to be handling all of this quite well and have been very helpful with anything I have needed. I do have to wonder what goes through Kinsey's mind. She is always the quiet one. She has been extremely helpful with the few times I have had wardrobe malfunctions, needed help pulling up my hair etc. She doesn't seem "grossed out" and doesn't get light headed. (Keep in mind this is my child who saw a photo of a friend's sliced finger posted on Face Book while she was modeling her prom dress to be hemmed. She had to sit down with a cold cloth and put her feet up) She does whatever I need and checks in on me when I'm in the shower. It has to be an eye opening experience for a beautiful young girl who hasn't yet fully experienced all of womanhood to see these drastic changes taking place in her mom who is only 45. I mean really, the plan was to one day help dear old mom retrieve her boobs from her knees and put them in a bra when she's 80. How quickly we abandoned that plan!
Kinsey's boyfriend was around a lot today. Just hung out keeping us company and brought some movies for me to watch. I did get a brief moment to ask him when she wasn't around if she was talking to him much about my surgery. He said he felt she was doing well but that she had taken a long while Friday night to talk to him about everything. He didn't elaborate, but I was just glad she was talking to someone. It has to be difficult. Brody hasn't talked a lot but is more open so I feel if he was having troubles handling things I would know it. For now I think we are all just taking one day at a time.
Sorry my posts are never posted on the day I type them. Just have to do them when I feel up to it. And invariably I type them up and tweak them a dozen times before posting :)
Slept fairly well last night. No more terrible burning at the drain sites, thank goodness! Had a hard time with my shower this morning, a brief moment of tears. The new body image is going to take awhile to get used to. The first few times it didn't bother me too much, but for some reason it was harder today. Felt a bit nauseated when I looked at my chest. If you can imagine craters where breasts used to be, bruising becoming much more evident, two 6 inch long incisions with stitches and steri-strips, another under my arm about two inches long, and two lovely drains...well it isn't exactly a Picasso!
As mentioned before I asked the kids initially if they wanted to see the incisions. Brody opted yes, however I have not involved him in any of my personal care. Just think it's not in his comfort zone unless he is my only resource. However, for those who know Brody, he is an amazing kid who would do anything for anyone, even if it is an awkward moment with his mom. Heaven knows many of us have already been faced with caring for our parents and grandparents as they age and for many of them it's more comfortable for a family member to help them than a stranger, even if it is the opposite sex. We've told the kids this is good practice for when we get old-assuming we live to old age! :) Both kids seem to be handling all of this quite well and have been very helpful with anything I have needed. I do have to wonder what goes through Kinsey's mind. She is always the quiet one. She has been extremely helpful with the few times I have had wardrobe malfunctions, needed help pulling up my hair etc. She doesn't seem "grossed out" and doesn't get light headed. (Keep in mind this is my child who saw a photo of a friend's sliced finger posted on Face Book while she was modeling her prom dress to be hemmed. She had to sit down with a cold cloth and put her feet up) She does whatever I need and checks in on me when I'm in the shower. It has to be an eye opening experience for a beautiful young girl who hasn't yet fully experienced all of womanhood to see these drastic changes taking place in her mom who is only 45. I mean really, the plan was to one day help dear old mom retrieve her boobs from her knees and put them in a bra when she's 80. How quickly we abandoned that plan!
Kinsey's boyfriend was around a lot today. Just hung out keeping us company and brought some movies for me to watch. I did get a brief moment to ask him when she wasn't around if she was talking to him much about my surgery. He said he felt she was doing well but that she had taken a long while Friday night to talk to him about everything. He didn't elaborate, but I was just glad she was talking to someone. It has to be difficult. Brody hasn't talked a lot but is more open so I feel if he was having troubles handling things I would know it. For now I think we are all just taking one day at a time.
Friday, April 6, 2012
Good Friday, April 6th, 2012
Kisney stayed home from school to help me today as we planned. She did a great job! Even before getting out of bed I had an episode of the shooting/burning pain I described earlier. Each time it happens in the area of the drains. I didn't think much about it because I have had it several times but it never lasted and was tolerable. I have a high pain tolerance and have used the pain meds as I need to stay comfortable and not let the pain get out of control. I've medicated before showering and been very good about not overdoing my activity. I had a couple more spells in the shower and Kinsey had to help me finish doing my hair and getting ready. Finally we made it out the door and I just sat very still in the car hoping the pain pill I took would take effect quickly.
Brad and Kristin met us there. By the time we got into a room I was really hurting and trying to take some slow deep breaths and relax. Was really wishing I had taken two pills and unfortunately had not brought them with me. The doctor said my incisions looked great and he was willing to remove the drains. I explained that I felt the drainage was borderline to a bit high and my sister agreed. I had my log in hand and explained I would rather deal with this pain than have to come back and have any fluid build up aspirated with a needle. He agreed to leave them in and even said Kristin or I could remove them when ready or I could come back and he would remove them. Kristin was willing as it will be difficult for me to properly see the area to snip the suture. He said not to rush getting fitted for a prosthesis as the area needs to heal. No worries there. Also there is no rush on reconstruction. The doctor explained that the numbness in my chest may resolve or may be permanent. He also explained that just like amputees who lose a limb women can experience phantom breast pain. We had just been talking about that in the waiting room. The doctor left to check on the pathology report. Before long I was in tears as the burning sensation was persistent and severe. Brad helped me lay down and Kristin went ahead and added a dressing around my right drain just as some extra support. That helped a bit. Every move caused pain.
Next he reviewed the pathology report. Great news on this Good Friday! The cancer is not invasive, it is stage 0, and the lymph nodes were all clear! He feels surgery is the only treatment needed but said that the final decision will be up to the oncologist. He did say that not every single section of the breasts can be viewed so he still feels due to it's size the right decision was made to take the entire left as well as the right. Just as the biopsy stated there were atypical cells surrounding the DCIS. Also, on the right side there were some calcifications. The can become an issue later on. He felt that we made the right treatment choice regarding bilateral mastectomy.What an amazing relief that was!!! The best news I could possibly ask for and how very awesome to get it during Holy Week! God is good! We shared some hugs and sighed a giant sigh of relief!
I am to follow up with the surgeon next Friday and from there see the oncologist to review everything. I took a copy of the pathology to her office so she would have plenty of time to review it before next week. I was feeling a little weak in the knees due to the pain but made it back to the car with the help of Brad and Kinsey. We stopped to get a cold drink then Kinsey got me home. This time I took two pain pills and went right to bed. That did the trick! A nice long nap and I was back in the saddle. Really feeling that although today's episode of pain was miserable I have been very fortunate to have overall been relatively comfortable. So many things to be thankful for!!!
Friday, April 6, 2012
Yesterday was my first full day home and for all you doubters out there I took it very easy! A good friend came to spend the day with me just in case I needed anything. I was able to manage a shower and washing my hair by myself, but it was comforting she was there if I needed her. I have been threatened within an inch of my life if I don't behave and lay low during my recovery. After a very sweet supportive text from my old college buddy (also a nurse) she followed it with "Excellent! All sounds good..:) will check in again and see when coming out is good. Hang in there. Take your pain pills and sleep! No hostess B--- S---!" I guess she told me! lol I've also been threatened with hand cuffs. Gee, do these people know me or what??? I assured them this surgery would be much different than the ones in the past and I have promised to not over do it!
Everyone has been very good about calling before stopping in. That is much appreciated. It's great to see everyone but I am very tired. However, as you can tell by the times of my entries, I am having some degree of insomnia. Besides, stretching out my visitors will help me get through a little bit later when I think I will really be needing a little extra support. My sister has done an amazing job of organizing meals. We basketball moms are a pretty close nit group. Everyone pitched in in one way or another for the first mom to go through this, now they are helping us out. Such a wonderful thing! It's also nice because I look forward to visits from whoever has dinner for us each night.
As mentioned before there are not too many secrets around our house. The kids have asked questions and stayed on top of things quite nicely. They both were with me the day of surgery and Kinsey is staying home today to help me out and get me to my first post-op appointment. She really wants to help but I am sure a little bit of it is that Senioritis kicking in. Either way I'm happy to have her around. The kids got to see my dressings and drains in the hospital and I explained I would be coming home with the drains. They were fascinated with the way the dye used to isolate the lymph nodes does strange things to a body and wanted to know all about that. After I got all settled in they went ahead home to do homework and try to rest up.
The evening of surgery I had chicken and noodles and I dropped a noodle right between my two dressings. I called Brad over and showed him the noodle then asked if he'd like to retrieve it for me. I reminded him now it wouldn't be as much fun. He started cracking up! We got a good laugh! I could never handle this if we didn't have some humor along the way. Believe me, family and friends are doing a good job at interjecting their wise cracks too!
Both Brad and my sister were in the room Wednesday morning for the grand unveiling. I couldn't look at Brad's face when the Dr. removed the dressings but he seemed to do pretty well. It was actually easier for me to look then than it is now. I'm not sure if it was exactly what he expected or not.
After we got home I talked to the kids a bit more about post-op needs etc. I asked if they wanted to see my incisions and they both immediately said yes. As long as they were OK seeing my chest I had no issue showing them. I wasn't sure Brody would be comfortable but he was so I let them both take a peek. They both did very well. Needless to say more questions followed. I figure there might be a time Brody is the only one here to help me so he may as well be aware. Trying to do my hair and get dressed is a feat when I am supposed to keep my arms below my head so I do need help at times. They were fascinated by the drains so I explained how they worked and how the color of the drainage would change over time and lessen. They have learned a lot through this process.
As you see I did post a picture of one of the Jackson-Pratt drains. I hope that isn't too graphic for anyone. They don't typically show you a drain before surgery and these type of drains are used in many cases so I'm sure some of you out there may have seen them. I'm also posting a picture of one of the breast pillows they gave me. I am guessing women volunteers make them as they are definitely a work of love. They are small kidney shaped pillows that I use to put under each arm when I rest. It helps raise my arms a bit therefore decreasing swelling but also keeps my arms from rubbing against my chest. They are wonderful!
Had a few visitors on Thursday, just the right amount. Our little nephews and niece came to say hello and each colored pictures for me. Super sweet! Of course I am keeping a scrap book of my Journey so all those little goodies will go in it. For now I think I will try to go back to bed for awhile. Need to be rested up for my morning appointment.
Yesterday was my first full day home and for all you doubters out there I took it very easy! A good friend came to spend the day with me just in case I needed anything. I was able to manage a shower and washing my hair by myself, but it was comforting she was there if I needed her. I have been threatened within an inch of my life if I don't behave and lay low during my recovery. After a very sweet supportive text from my old college buddy (also a nurse) she followed it with "Excellent! All sounds good..:) will check in again and see when coming out is good. Hang in there. Take your pain pills and sleep! No hostess B--- S---!" I guess she told me! lol I've also been threatened with hand cuffs. Gee, do these people know me or what??? I assured them this surgery would be much different than the ones in the past and I have promised to not over do it!
Everyone has been very good about calling before stopping in. That is much appreciated. It's great to see everyone but I am very tired. However, as you can tell by the times of my entries, I am having some degree of insomnia. Besides, stretching out my visitors will help me get through a little bit later when I think I will really be needing a little extra support. My sister has done an amazing job of organizing meals. We basketball moms are a pretty close nit group. Everyone pitched in in one way or another for the first mom to go through this, now they are helping us out. Such a wonderful thing! It's also nice because I look forward to visits from whoever has dinner for us each night.
As mentioned before there are not too many secrets around our house. The kids have asked questions and stayed on top of things quite nicely. They both were with me the day of surgery and Kinsey is staying home today to help me out and get me to my first post-op appointment. She really wants to help but I am sure a little bit of it is that Senioritis kicking in. Either way I'm happy to have her around. The kids got to see my dressings and drains in the hospital and I explained I would be coming home with the drains. They were fascinated with the way the dye used to isolate the lymph nodes does strange things to a body and wanted to know all about that. After I got all settled in they went ahead home to do homework and try to rest up.
The evening of surgery I had chicken and noodles and I dropped a noodle right between my two dressings. I called Brad over and showed him the noodle then asked if he'd like to retrieve it for me. I reminded him now it wouldn't be as much fun. He started cracking up! We got a good laugh! I could never handle this if we didn't have some humor along the way. Believe me, family and friends are doing a good job at interjecting their wise cracks too!
Both Brad and my sister were in the room Wednesday morning for the grand unveiling. I couldn't look at Brad's face when the Dr. removed the dressings but he seemed to do pretty well. It was actually easier for me to look then than it is now. I'm not sure if it was exactly what he expected or not.
After we got home I talked to the kids a bit more about post-op needs etc. I asked if they wanted to see my incisions and they both immediately said yes. As long as they were OK seeing my chest I had no issue showing them. I wasn't sure Brody would be comfortable but he was so I let them both take a peek. They both did very well. Needless to say more questions followed. I figure there might be a time Brody is the only one here to help me so he may as well be aware. Trying to do my hair and get dressed is a feat when I am supposed to keep my arms below my head so I do need help at times. They were fascinated by the drains so I explained how they worked and how the color of the drainage would change over time and lessen. They have learned a lot through this process.
As you see I did post a picture of one of the Jackson-Pratt drains. I hope that isn't too graphic for anyone. They don't typically show you a drain before surgery and these type of drains are used in many cases so I'm sure some of you out there may have seen them. I'm also posting a picture of one of the breast pillows they gave me. I am guessing women volunteers make them as they are definitely a work of love. They are small kidney shaped pillows that I use to put under each arm when I rest. It helps raise my arms a bit therefore decreasing swelling but also keeps my arms from rubbing against my chest. They are wonderful!
Had a few visitors on Thursday, just the right amount. Our little nephews and niece came to say hello and each colored pictures for me. Super sweet! Of course I am keeping a scrap book of my Journey so all those little goodies will go in it. For now I think I will try to go back to bed for awhile. Need to be rested up for my morning appointment.
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Surgery was Tuesday and I was back home by 3pm on Wednesday. The tremendous support from family and friends really helped to keep me positive. My sister-in-law made a cute profile for Face Book that said "Kick it Kim". Friends and family turned Face Book pink for a day! So cool!
Several family members joined me in the pre-op area and as usual kept us in stitches. Little did a good friend know he was the subject of our laughter as we relived some Florida moments. It was a great distraction! They took me for surgery about 11am and I was back in my room by 3pm and settled in. No problems with nausea...thank goodness. I deal with pain way better than nausea.
My surgeon started the operation part of the journey by praying with us. That was awesome! Surgery lasted just over two hours which included removing both breasts and biopsying lymph nodes on the left. Apparently three lit up with the dye that was injected-all in the sentinel node area- so he took all three. The preliminary report during surgery showed that they were OK. Praying that the final report shows the same. I have tubes in each side of my chest. They are called Jackson-Pratt drains and are a simple vacuum system. I empty them, record the drainage, and log my outputs. Very simple process that I am quite familiar with so no issues there. I will post a picture later. My new camisoles are wonderful for holding the drains so I don't have to pin them to my clothes. I was able to shower in the first 24 hours just couldn't let the water flow directly over my incisions. That was heavenly! Brad was very good about helping me with that. I can say that my belly looks much bigger when I don't have to look past boobs to see it! Was having a little trouble keeping the drains out of my way while showering. Do you remember the song "Do Your Ears Hang Low?" Well Brad came up with the idea of throwing them over my shoulder (the drains that is). Leave it to an engineer! And it worked! Another friend suggested I tie an old pair of pantyhose around my neck and pin them to that. Also a great idea. So far Brad's been a trooper-guess this is where the "for better for worse, in sickness and in health" part comes into play. He just keeps saying he wants me around for many more years, it doesn't matter if part of me is missing as long as the cancer is gone. AMEN!
I could not have asked for better care! I used to work with the nurse in charge of the med-surg floor and pacu.(medical surgical unit and post-op anesthesia care unit). She sent me a message that she had assigned another former co-worker of mine to be my pacu nurse. My sister put dibs in on my floor nurses and low and behold a dear friend from nursing school made sure she was my primary nurse during surgery. Talk about TLC. It was like old home week! It was so comforting to see so many familiar faces and to have such great care from other gals I had never met. Brad spent the night with me and my sister checked in frequently as well. We had a system down for notifying those who asked to be updated that way one person wasn't trying to handle all the communications by themselves. Everyone was very considerate about letting me rest yet keeping in touch to make sure I was doing fine.
The surgeon did a skin sparing technique so now I have what I refer to as "floppy disks". Pretty accurate really. He was able to leave the little crease under each breast and just a little area in the middle. If I do reconstruct all that extra skin is there and can be stretched further for the implants. Should I decide completely against it then I will have surgery to remove the extra tissue. If you have ever seen a woman who has had a mastectomy it is a large incision near the center of the breast. The nipple and the areola are both removed. Usually the tissue is pulled snug and stitched. For me it kind of looks like a moon crater. Sunken in the middle but raised on the perimeters. The incisions themselves look beautiful-at least to my nursing eyes. Nice and neat with sutures that will dissolve and some steri-strips in place for awhile. I also have a small incision over near my left armpit where they took the lymph nodes. Bruising has started to set in and overall it's a little disturbing to look at but it will get better.
I had a PCA pump to control my pain after surgery and then Wednesday morning when it was empty I switched over to oral pain meds. Seemed to do fine with that. Also a couple of doses of an anti-inflammatory medication made me much more comfortable. The best way to describe my pain is it feels like someone took a scraper and just scraped under my skin from one armpit to the other. There is some numbness in the tissue there. The only bad pain I have had is some intermittent burning/shooting pain in the area of the drains. Now that stops me in my tracks! At least it doesn't last long.
The only minor issue was that overnight my blood pressure was slowly dropping. By morning it had gotten as low as 88/54 and my heart rate was only 55. Both low for me. My nurse was on top of things and called and got an order for a fluid bolus. She gave me 500cc of fluid over an hour and things were back to normal. I was just a little bit dry as we nurses would say.
I was very thankful I could stay overnight in the hospital, although as hospitals go I didn't get much rest. We walked several times and slowly I was able to get rid of tubes and monitoring devices. We headed home Wednesday afternoon and I took a nap almost immediately. The kids and Brad seemed a little amazed at how tired they were. I reminded them that sometimes it is almost as stressful being the family member waiting on the news as being the patient. It brought back lots of memories for me from 5 years ago when we almost lost my dad. Many hours spent worrying-it does take a toll.
Surgery was Tuesday and I was back home by 3pm on Wednesday. The tremendous support from family and friends really helped to keep me positive. My sister-in-law made a cute profile for Face Book that said "Kick it Kim". Friends and family turned Face Book pink for a day! So cool!
Several family members joined me in the pre-op area and as usual kept us in stitches. Little did a good friend know he was the subject of our laughter as we relived some Florida moments. It was a great distraction! They took me for surgery about 11am and I was back in my room by 3pm and settled in. No problems with nausea...thank goodness. I deal with pain way better than nausea.
My surgeon started the operation part of the journey by praying with us. That was awesome! Surgery lasted just over two hours which included removing both breasts and biopsying lymph nodes on the left. Apparently three lit up with the dye that was injected-all in the sentinel node area- so he took all three. The preliminary report during surgery showed that they were OK. Praying that the final report shows the same. I have tubes in each side of my chest. They are called Jackson-Pratt drains and are a simple vacuum system. I empty them, record the drainage, and log my outputs. Very simple process that I am quite familiar with so no issues there. I will post a picture later. My new camisoles are wonderful for holding the drains so I don't have to pin them to my clothes. I was able to shower in the first 24 hours just couldn't let the water flow directly over my incisions. That was heavenly! Brad was very good about helping me with that. I can say that my belly looks much bigger when I don't have to look past boobs to see it! Was having a little trouble keeping the drains out of my way while showering. Do you remember the song "Do Your Ears Hang Low?" Well Brad came up with the idea of throwing them over my shoulder (the drains that is). Leave it to an engineer! And it worked! Another friend suggested I tie an old pair of pantyhose around my neck and pin them to that. Also a great idea. So far Brad's been a trooper-guess this is where the "for better for worse, in sickness and in health" part comes into play. He just keeps saying he wants me around for many more years, it doesn't matter if part of me is missing as long as the cancer is gone. AMEN!
I could not have asked for better care! I used to work with the nurse in charge of the med-surg floor and pacu.(medical surgical unit and post-op anesthesia care unit). She sent me a message that she had assigned another former co-worker of mine to be my pacu nurse. My sister put dibs in on my floor nurses and low and behold a dear friend from nursing school made sure she was my primary nurse during surgery. Talk about TLC. It was like old home week! It was so comforting to see so many familiar faces and to have such great care from other gals I had never met. Brad spent the night with me and my sister checked in frequently as well. We had a system down for notifying those who asked to be updated that way one person wasn't trying to handle all the communications by themselves. Everyone was very considerate about letting me rest yet keeping in touch to make sure I was doing fine.
The surgeon did a skin sparing technique so now I have what I refer to as "floppy disks". Pretty accurate really. He was able to leave the little crease under each breast and just a little area in the middle. If I do reconstruct all that extra skin is there and can be stretched further for the implants. Should I decide completely against it then I will have surgery to remove the extra tissue. If you have ever seen a woman who has had a mastectomy it is a large incision near the center of the breast. The nipple and the areola are both removed. Usually the tissue is pulled snug and stitched. For me it kind of looks like a moon crater. Sunken in the middle but raised on the perimeters. The incisions themselves look beautiful-at least to my nursing eyes. Nice and neat with sutures that will dissolve and some steri-strips in place for awhile. I also have a small incision over near my left armpit where they took the lymph nodes. Bruising has started to set in and overall it's a little disturbing to look at but it will get better.
I had a PCA pump to control my pain after surgery and then Wednesday morning when it was empty I switched over to oral pain meds. Seemed to do fine with that. Also a couple of doses of an anti-inflammatory medication made me much more comfortable. The best way to describe my pain is it feels like someone took a scraper and just scraped under my skin from one armpit to the other. There is some numbness in the tissue there. The only bad pain I have had is some intermittent burning/shooting pain in the area of the drains. Now that stops me in my tracks! At least it doesn't last long.
The only minor issue was that overnight my blood pressure was slowly dropping. By morning it had gotten as low as 88/54 and my heart rate was only 55. Both low for me. My nurse was on top of things and called and got an order for a fluid bolus. She gave me 500cc of fluid over an hour and things were back to normal. I was just a little bit dry as we nurses would say.
I was very thankful I could stay overnight in the hospital, although as hospitals go I didn't get much rest. We walked several times and slowly I was able to get rid of tubes and monitoring devices. We headed home Wednesday afternoon and I took a nap almost immediately. The kids and Brad seemed a little amazed at how tired they were. I reminded them that sometimes it is almost as stressful being the family member waiting on the news as being the patient. It brought back lots of memories for me from 5 years ago when we almost lost my dad. Many hours spent worrying-it does take a toll.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Tuesday, April 3,2012
Not really sure how I'm feeling this morning. Some sense of relief that my cancer treatment officially starts today. I officially get rid of "the evil boob" as my sister referred to it! And it's buddy of course. There certainly have been times I have felt overwhelmed but it's in God's hands now and He is in charge. There is a great sense of comfort in knowing so many are praying for me, not just in this great country but literally all over the world. That does bring some inner peace.
We spent last evening at penance service at church. It is Holy Week and the most amazing miracle ever happened then! From there the four of us headed to Applebees for a quick dinner, then my sister stopped by to wish me luck. I was flooded with calls, texts, and Face Book messages these past 48 hours. You have no idea the strength that comes from those messages. We ended the evening just cuddling and crying. Brad did share that he really wished this was him in my shoes. Really, I'm perfectly OK with it. He is the breadwinner and we could never even try to pay these bills if he were the one sick. And I am soooooo very thankful it's me and not one of the kids. Kinsey's past illness was almost more than we could handle. Thank the Good Lord Brody has been healthy. Being a nurse I better understand the process and I have been through five prior surgeries. Brad doesn't do illness or hospitals well. So although it sounds very weird I'm good with this. If God said to me one of you has to have cancer and you can choose which one I would gladly step up and volunteer! We will get through this! So for now I'm going to post a few more pictures. The seaweed we found on the beach in the ribbon symbol, a photo of some great friends as we show off "our girls" on the beach, and Brad and I in the sunset.
Not really sure how I'm feeling this morning. Some sense of relief that my cancer treatment officially starts today. I officially get rid of "the evil boob" as my sister referred to it! And it's buddy of course. There certainly have been times I have felt overwhelmed but it's in God's hands now and He is in charge. There is a great sense of comfort in knowing so many are praying for me, not just in this great country but literally all over the world. That does bring some inner peace.
We spent last evening at penance service at church. It is Holy Week and the most amazing miracle ever happened then! From there the four of us headed to Applebees for a quick dinner, then my sister stopped by to wish me luck. I was flooded with calls, texts, and Face Book messages these past 48 hours. You have no idea the strength that comes from those messages. We ended the evening just cuddling and crying. Brad did share that he really wished this was him in my shoes. Really, I'm perfectly OK with it. He is the breadwinner and we could never even try to pay these bills if he were the one sick. And I am soooooo very thankful it's me and not one of the kids. Kinsey's past illness was almost more than we could handle. Thank the Good Lord Brody has been healthy. Being a nurse I better understand the process and I have been through five prior surgeries. Brad doesn't do illness or hospitals well. So although it sounds very weird I'm good with this. If God said to me one of you has to have cancer and you can choose which one I would gladly step up and volunteer! We will get through this! So for now I'm going to post a few more pictures. The seaweed we found on the beach in the ribbon symbol, a photo of some great friends as we show off "our girls" on the beach, and Brad and I in the sunset.
Monday, April 2, 2012
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Tuesday is just around the corner and there is no doubt it's more difficult to redirect my mind as it wanders in the direction of surgery day. The kids seem to still be doing just fine, can't tell for sure about Brad. I certainly feel my stress level increasing and there have been a few tears the past couple of days.So far though, I have still managed to keep busy enough to avoid a complete meltdown.
Friday was nice. Baked some cookies to enjoy while hanging out with some wonderful students at Benton Central as they worked on editing their literary magazine. Great group of kids with an amazing role model and teacher in Ms. Herre. Stayed with them until it was time for Honor Society Inductions.The ceremony was very nice-run completely by existing members. Each gave a brief speech about the student they would be inducting that evening. Brody looked so handsome, and we couldn't be prouder of him! Both sets of grandparents joined us for the evening and of course we got a few nice pictures to document the event for the scrapbook. I'm so thankful for some of these warm fuzzies to help keep me going!
Saturday I checked a lot off of the to-do list. Spring cleaned our bedroom and organized all the graduation decor and supplies I have accumulated thus far. I finally finished the centerpieces-what a relief! For some reason Saturday was tough. Found myself sobbing a few times but regrouped pretty quickly telling myself no time for that because I have a son starting golf season and a daughter graduating and those things need my attention at the moment. Guess reality is finally setting in. Kinsey ran and picked up her prom dress then we spent the evening with a friend who is helping with the alterations. Just crazy the amount of loose ends to wrap up. Sunday, Brad took Brody to purchase some long over due new golf clubs. He was in seventh Heaven when he got home and can't wait to practice with them tomorrow!
Can't quite put into words how I'm feeling today. We nearly overslept for church. I stayed after so Father could give me the Sacrament of the Sick. That gave me some inner peace. I have done pretty well at keeping my tears at bay but I have been struggling with how Brad is feeling. I wasn't sure if I should talk about this part of the journey but quickly decided if the point is to help others hiking along this trail then it's a bump in the road that needs addressed. All along people have been asking how the kids and Brad are doing. I wish I could better answer that. I just want to get in my husband's brain so I really know! He has only spoken once in more than a few words about how this is weighing on him and that was pretty early on. He's been great about joining me at appointments and we discuss those openly. He had the wonderful idea of having the photographer taking our family pictures take one of our hands with our rings and his bracelet "say it, fight it cure it." I keep telling myself his silence is a guy thing but that isn't really helping me out at all. I have been told by some women that their husbands became angry, have isolated themselves for a few days, or they just kind of shut down. Everyone is different and this is certainly a life changing event, really for both of us. I'm going to be completely honest when I say I was devastated that the weekend came and went and we did not so much as go out to dinner. I take some blame for that as I didn't initiate it, but due to comments made I thought it was already in the works. You see we were to be in Arizona two weeks before Spring Break for a convention. I was so excited as it seemed like a great opportunity for some "us" time, then we would have family/friends time in Florida, then I would have surgery. Sounded perfect! As luck would have it the Arizona trip fell through because work was so busy they couldn't do without the fellas back here at home. Brad then promised we would do something to make FL even more special, told my sister that, told me, even spoke to his brother about some ideas for things to do. That vacation week came and went. Guess I kept thinking since that too didn't happen then he must have something up his sleeve for this weekend. Not so. He got a lot done around here so obviously he must have just also needed to keep busy. We both just kind of stayed in our own little worlds. When I did try to pick his brain I wasn't successful.
So then I asked myself...if I were that cute little voice in a Garman and I had to tell couples which path to choose at this point of their journey, what would I say? Well, I'm pretty sure I would put on my sexiest little voice and direct them down Interstate CC (Couples Counseling). Couples are given so much information, faced with gravely important decisions, have to meet with multiple doctors, face changes in body image, and of course have a vast array of fears to overcome. It just seems a little outside expert advice might come in handy. And of course in a perfect world insurance would consider that a part of the treatment plan and pay for it! Oh boy, now I might be onto something that would only take years of lobbying for and hundreds of thousands of dollars to accomplish! LOL! Well, on a more realistic level, maybe suggesting organizing women who had been through varying stages of breast cancer and their significant others to be available to speak to couples faced with a new diagnosis would be a more reasonable and cost effective idea. I don't know about other couples but my bills are rolling in quite rapidly and the thought of adding the cost of counseling doesn't seem real appealing. At any rate some sort of guidance for couples to help them sort out their emotions seems like quite a helpful plan to me! I am aware a support group is forming soon at a local church and I am hoping to get involved in that once I'm able. Hopefully Brad will come along as well!
Tuesday is just around the corner and there is no doubt it's more difficult to redirect my mind as it wanders in the direction of surgery day. The kids seem to still be doing just fine, can't tell for sure about Brad. I certainly feel my stress level increasing and there have been a few tears the past couple of days.So far though, I have still managed to keep busy enough to avoid a complete meltdown.
Friday was nice. Baked some cookies to enjoy while hanging out with some wonderful students at Benton Central as they worked on editing their literary magazine. Great group of kids with an amazing role model and teacher in Ms. Herre. Stayed with them until it was time for Honor Society Inductions.The ceremony was very nice-run completely by existing members. Each gave a brief speech about the student they would be inducting that evening. Brody looked so handsome, and we couldn't be prouder of him! Both sets of grandparents joined us for the evening and of course we got a few nice pictures to document the event for the scrapbook. I'm so thankful for some of these warm fuzzies to help keep me going!
Saturday I checked a lot off of the to-do list. Spring cleaned our bedroom and organized all the graduation decor and supplies I have accumulated thus far. I finally finished the centerpieces-what a relief! For some reason Saturday was tough. Found myself sobbing a few times but regrouped pretty quickly telling myself no time for that because I have a son starting golf season and a daughter graduating and those things need my attention at the moment. Guess reality is finally setting in. Kinsey ran and picked up her prom dress then we spent the evening with a friend who is helping with the alterations. Just crazy the amount of loose ends to wrap up. Sunday, Brad took Brody to purchase some long over due new golf clubs. He was in seventh Heaven when he got home and can't wait to practice with them tomorrow!
Can't quite put into words how I'm feeling today. We nearly overslept for church. I stayed after so Father could give me the Sacrament of the Sick. That gave me some inner peace. I have done pretty well at keeping my tears at bay but I have been struggling with how Brad is feeling. I wasn't sure if I should talk about this part of the journey but quickly decided if the point is to help others hiking along this trail then it's a bump in the road that needs addressed. All along people have been asking how the kids and Brad are doing. I wish I could better answer that. I just want to get in my husband's brain so I really know! He has only spoken once in more than a few words about how this is weighing on him and that was pretty early on. He's been great about joining me at appointments and we discuss those openly. He had the wonderful idea of having the photographer taking our family pictures take one of our hands with our rings and his bracelet "say it, fight it cure it." I keep telling myself his silence is a guy thing but that isn't really helping me out at all. I have been told by some women that their husbands became angry, have isolated themselves for a few days, or they just kind of shut down. Everyone is different and this is certainly a life changing event, really for both of us. I'm going to be completely honest when I say I was devastated that the weekend came and went and we did not so much as go out to dinner. I take some blame for that as I didn't initiate it, but due to comments made I thought it was already in the works. You see we were to be in Arizona two weeks before Spring Break for a convention. I was so excited as it seemed like a great opportunity for some "us" time, then we would have family/friends time in Florida, then I would have surgery. Sounded perfect! As luck would have it the Arizona trip fell through because work was so busy they couldn't do without the fellas back here at home. Brad then promised we would do something to make FL even more special, told my sister that, told me, even spoke to his brother about some ideas for things to do. That vacation week came and went. Guess I kept thinking since that too didn't happen then he must have something up his sleeve for this weekend. Not so. He got a lot done around here so obviously he must have just also needed to keep busy. We both just kind of stayed in our own little worlds. When I did try to pick his brain I wasn't successful.
So then I asked myself...if I were that cute little voice in a Garman and I had to tell couples which path to choose at this point of their journey, what would I say? Well, I'm pretty sure I would put on my sexiest little voice and direct them down Interstate CC (Couples Counseling). Couples are given so much information, faced with gravely important decisions, have to meet with multiple doctors, face changes in body image, and of course have a vast array of fears to overcome. It just seems a little outside expert advice might come in handy. And of course in a perfect world insurance would consider that a part of the treatment plan and pay for it! Oh boy, now I might be onto something that would only take years of lobbying for and hundreds of thousands of dollars to accomplish! LOL! Well, on a more realistic level, maybe suggesting organizing women who had been through varying stages of breast cancer and their significant others to be available to speak to couples faced with a new diagnosis would be a more reasonable and cost effective idea. I don't know about other couples but my bills are rolling in quite rapidly and the thought of adding the cost of counseling doesn't seem real appealing. At any rate some sort of guidance for couples to help them sort out their emotions seems like quite a helpful plan to me! I am aware a support group is forming soon at a local church and I am hoping to get involved in that once I'm able. Hopefully Brad will come along as well!
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