Tuesday, September 11, 2012


The day itself has been a real bummer here. I have neglected our poor dear Molly dog who has been licking her paws relentlessly. She at times suffers from allergies but I have not been well enough to deal with getting her to the vet. Finally today I took her in.  Long story short the vet thinks that Molly is stressed since Kinsey has moved out and her immune system is down so her allergies have flared. Our poor baby looked so pathetic as she was sedated for skin scrapings and took awhile to regroup. Then of course I felt even more guilty  :(

I had just finished lunch when both phones started ringing. My family doctor as well as the plastic surgeon's office were both calling. As I had feared my chest x-ray showed problems- pneumonia. Sometimes I hate my 6th sense!  I could tell the nurse felt really bad as she remembered me calling in Friday trying to be seen. My Dr. is out today but she called him anyway. He feels the antibiotic urgent care ordered will take care of the pneumonia and that I will just need a repeat x-ray. The problem lies in that inflammation from pneumonia can show up for weeks on x-ray. After calls back and forth between doctors it has been decided that it will be anesthesias call if my surgery will go on as scheduled. I am waiting to hear back if they will settle for a repeat chest x-ray next week or if I completely have to reschedule surgery. I certainly understand their concern and that's the entire reason I got to the doctor immediately with my symptoms and was very upfront in pointing them out to the surgeon. Now it's hurry up and wait.  I didn't work last night as I definitely wasn't up to it. I decided to stay home tonight because although I'm feeling better I am still so tired.  The surgeon's office agreed. Besides it's my last scheduled night so I may as well error on the side of caution.

So the roller coaster of emotion set in. A few brief tears of utter frustration as well as the thought of "Seriously, can't I ever do anything the uncomplicated way?" I already apologized when the surgeon's office called. I told her I was so sorry that really I try to be a compliant patient who is easy to get along with but that as she will learn my body has another plan. She was cracking up and said "Well we will hope and say a prayer that this all works out and you get cleared." Then she shot me some dates if I would need to reschedule. Well that was depressing! Not even going to entertain all of that until I know what is going on.

I texted Brad and told him to call me. Of course I started to cry as I very briefly explained what was up. He didn't have much to say. After that I just went outside to blow off the stink and hung out with Molly in the lovely sunshine. Oddly enough Bubbles called me.  Remember her?  The one with a recurrence of breast cancer and now ovarian. Well I hadn't really talked to her about actually identifying her so until now I just identified her as "Bubbles" because that so fits her persona! She is actually my cousin's wife. She has been a great support for me and I have tried my best to return the favor. I had checked up with my aunt so knew her surgery went well. She shared all the details today and her story put my sad sack attitude back into perspective. She got all good news on her latest pathology results so a real cause for rejoicing. She will be starting chemo soon and it's mostly a precaution. Needless to say she can't wait to get that out of the way. And as far as her reconstruction all that is great and she is very happy she did it. She's even considering having the final details completed once chemo is behind her. The timing of her call couldn't have been better and we had a wonderful chat.

So for now I'm just exhausted, but can't sleep, and am just kind of down. What will be will be and I know everything happens for a reason. Being completely honest in the back of my mind I have to wonder if God is telling me don't do this. When I updated Kinsey she immediately responded "I told you not to do it." I appreciate her honestly because that is what I have asked for all along. However, as I explained to her, this has been such a hard decision for me. Now that I finally made it I wasn't expecting  to have a setback before things even got off the ground, especially one that would make me second guess my decision. For now it's in the hands of my doctors and they will have the last word. I fully intend to stick with my decision.

On a lighter note I have a funny to share. Brad had his run of health issues a few years ago but now takes a bi-weekly medication by injection- of course I administer those for him. One night I was getting out of the shower and had my prosthesis laying on the sink. Normally he doesn't even see them. The sink was cluttered with them, with the dressings I had for the incision for my mole removal, both of our one week pill boxes, and Brad's supplies. All of a sudden he and I are looking at each other in the mirror and he says "Are you gonna leave your boobs here?" I respond with "No I just left them out to remind me to clean them."  He then says " I need you to stick me."  To which I replied, "Ok cause I need you to help me with my dressing." We both look at each other through the mirror and look down at all the medical stuff cluttering our large double vanity and we busted up laughing. Brad said, "It's hell to get old!"     AMEN TO THAT and who ever thought 45 was old!?!