Thursday, August 28, 2012
Monday was another cancer support group meeting. I was so excited to see new faces!!! I know I have worked hard spreading the word to those who may be interested. Within the last week a high school classmate shared she has been diagnosed with a rare form of uterine cancer. She started her chemo on Monday. Of course she's on the prayer list! I called in prayer petitions to church and all 5 were for people suffering from cancer. When you think of all the diseases mankind suffers from that is simply unheard of! We enjoy sharing our stories, thoughts and our fears, as well as all the things we have learned. The best part is that we know we are not alone!
Today was the follow up at the dermatologist and suture removal. I must say she did a great job as I have healed perfectly and the scaring will be very minimal. More answered prayers as the pathology results showed no melanoma! That was a big relief. You can ask just about any cancer survivor and they will tell you that their single biggest fear is another cancer diagnosis. Some have told me that they suffer great anxiety before each follow-up, each mammo, each scan. That's certainly understandable. It was certainly in the back of my mind. Not only because of family history but I was worried it could possibly mess up my plan for reconstruction. I must say I did make one decision. If it was melanoma I was telling no one until Brad got home from his fishing trip with his dad and other family. I wanted him to be able to leave Saturday morning with nothing but relaxing thoughts and plans to destress. Fortunately I don't have to deal with keeping that secret until next week! Whew!
What my pathology actually did show was dysplastic nevi or atypical mole. Sounds harmless and completely benign but in reality raises big red flags. The cells were actively changing, that is why the border of the mole looked different. She took a large area under the assumption it was malignant so as to get clear borders. Even with the dysplastic nevi she would have gone back for more had my margins/borders not been normal. So what is the big concern? My dad has had melanoma on his ear and an aunt on my mom's side had it also. I have been told I now need to start monthly mole checks and continue the yearly full body checks and get in immediately for any changes. Because I have family history of two or more relatives with melanoma and have had a biopsy positive for dysplastic nevi I am at an extremely high risk for melanoma. (With no family history the risk is anywhere from 7-27% higher than the average populations chance of having a melanoma.) I did not ask how much higher my risks are since I have had one cancer diagnosis already. Quite frankly I didn't want to know! As I told my siblings tonight "I am quite a healthy specimen!" LOL
Just a quick note on what to look for-The ABCDE's
A= asymetry If you could cut the mole in half both sides should look equal. If they don't beware
B=borders s Irregular uneven borders are a problem
C=Color Variety of color or change in color is a warning
D= Diameter sMost melanomas are larger in diameter than the end of a pencil eraser but can be smaller
E= Evolving Any change is a cause for concern size, shape, color, elevation or any other trait like pain, bleeding, itching
SUNSCREEN SUNSCREEN SUNSCREEN, No tanning beds and frequent checks are the biggest ways to prevent skin cancers of any kind.
Just form personal experience I would suggest seeing a dermatologist and not just a family doctor. They have a trained eye and see these things every day. Also they document each ares, measure them and take photos. Most family doctors do not go into such detail. It's painless and worth the peace of mind!
One more thing crossed off my list of cancer screenings. Now I can continue to move towards reconstruction. The countdown is on...21 days! Man I have a lot to accomplish before then!
Through Thick and Thin
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Great game last night for Brody and some kudos from his coaches. It was a hot one and they lost but he played very well. Another gloating Mom moment here! Love the positive things in life!!!
Today was a visit to the dermatologist. She removed the mole on my back that she just wasn't happy with. I'm not expecting it to be anything but with a family history on both sides of melanoma I'm taking no chances. Still numb now but it was a surgery requiring internal and topical stitches. Someday I will actually sit and count how many minor and major surgeries I have had-not sure I really want to know. SMILEY While she was at it she burned some small areas off my face just for cosmetic reasons. I will look like crap for about two weeks but oh well. While at it let's cover all the bases. In our conversation she shared that she has seen several of my plastic surgeon's patients and that he is a good guy and does great work. That was reassuring to hear from a female physician who has seen lots of battle wounds as she does full body cancer checks.
That brings me to the next part of my journey. Are you all sitting down??? I have decided to put on my big girl panties, take the plunge, and start reconstruction. I know, I know, many of you thought I'd never choose that. To be honest I have surprised myself. As you recall I never said never. I said I was scared and was just not sure it was for me, that I was really thinking no but I hadn't ruled it out. So what made me finally come to this decision? Well, here goes...
First I decided I can't keep waiting. Having this weighing on my mind and having pressure from Brad early on has been enough to make me crazy. In many ways tougher than the diagnosis. I wanted it to be my decision and no one elses, I wanted no pressure from anyone. Finally he and I are on the same page and he really doesn't care which choice I make. I think over time he is more comfortable with both options and that is a huge bonus for both of us!
If I do it now at least the first, longest, and most detailed surgery will be completely covered. If things go flawlessly I may be able to have the second step completed by the end of the year. But really folks, this is me we are talking about and the likelihood of that is slim to none! Not being negative, just know my body pretty well.
If I wait then because it's a long process I most likely will mess up yet another summer. I really NEED a stress free summer. If I wait longer than that I am messing with Brody's Senior year for an elective surgery and I'm not about to do that. And lastly everyone says do it before Obama Care kicks in in 2014.
Yes, I still have fears and reservations. I would be lying if I said I didn't. However as I posted after my second appt with plastics I feel much better about it all. Not fond of having it in the surgery center and not the hospital but that is my doctor's preference. It's kinda like " if Mom's happy everyone's happy." If he is around the staff he works with all the time and who knows all his wants and needs that is good for me so I will suck it up and have it there. The bottom line is the only thing I will really be missing is all the TLC from all my old co-workers and friends at the hospital. I have requested to spend the night which was completely my choice, he didn't care either way. Since I had the blood pressure issues after my mastectomies I feel that is just the safest bet.
Can I live the rest of my life with special bras and prostheses? Sure! Do they really annoy me? Not really. They are a bit of a hassle but not that bad. I feel completely normal wearing them and with the exception of being hot they are very comfortable and feel just like me.
Now, a bit of a warning here. If ya don't want to know super personal info then don't read on!!! :)
It's the question everyone wants to ask but is afraid to. Well, it's addressed in a lot of the books I've read and if I'm here to help you learn through your journey or a friend or family member's I may as well cover it too. Has this affected our sex life? Guess what, very minimally. Sure it's a change but we are good with it because it means I'm cancer free. Like any struggle in life, Multiple Sclerosis, a stroke, a debilitating accident, a burn, a colostomy... it's a body image change for both partners and you adapt and move on. Beauty is only skin deep and if you can't look past it then life is much more difficult. It's an adjustment that we have both made. So absolutely in no way have I come to my decision because of that. Besides, if you do the research, and a good doctor will explain all of this, there is not sensation there so things will never be the same whether you rebuild or you don't. Some women's chests are completely numb, not just the scarred area. Fortunately for me a lot of my chest sensation has returned. Brad has told me not to do this for him but " I would kinda like to check out this guy's work." Yep, true statement!!!!
This is something I am doing...for me and no one else. Again, it is strongly advised that this is the woman's decision and no one, not even her husband should insist she reconstruct. One because it is a big surgery and anyone will tell you there is quite a bit of pain. I'll get back to you on that later. Also, there is a lot of guilt associated for loved ones who think you should have the surgery for them. If something doesn't go right or the end result isn't exactly achieved then they may carry a great deal of guilt over it. It just isn't good for either party involved. As I have been very honest about it is still very important to know their opinion on the issue. After all they are your partner and your caregiver.
Am I still afraid of infection? Yes, but my doctor has assured me he will be extra cautious in this area. I could get an infection from having the extra skin removed if I don't reconstruct. Every single break in skin integrity carries that risk.
So why did I decide? Well because I am also afraid that if I don't try it I might regret it. Waiting until I'm older also increases my risks. I am quite certain if I were older I would not go forward. How much older I don't know. Unfortunately I can't just try both ways and then decide and still end up with the same cosmetic effect so it's one or the other. They can come back out although the scarring will be worse than if I just had the extra skin removed. Every step of this process has carried risks. It was a big risk to decide to remove the second breast and not just the diseased one.
Right now surgery is set for September 20th at one of our local surgery centers. Brad is supposed to get to spend the night with me. I go in at 12 noon with surgery taking place at 1pm. It is expected to last 5 hours and involves placement of expanders, a cadaver graft to support them and the final implants, and moving and repositioning of my chest wall muscles. Sounds like lots of fun doesn't it? Oh, and let's not forget the placement of more lovely drains.
For all of you who have commented on my strength and courage, well I hope you've seen nothing yet!!! I'm practicing my knock out punches for round two and I'm hoping the first punch is deadly! Yes, passing go was worrisome, waiting at stop lights for test results was nerve racking, crossing bridges and detours was stressful, but those fears were different. They were decisions I had to make to stay alive. That promotes great inner strength. Making an elective decision is much harder in my case. I must say that my fears have been slowly fading and I'm feeling much more positive. Afterall, if I'm going to kick cancer's ass then it shouldn't be able to take so much from me cause by golly then I might just have to put it back!!!
I have so many of you to credit for helping me get to this point. You have supported me from square one and many of you have continued to check up on me from time to time even though it's been 6 whole months. I can't tell you how much that means. These scars last forever. I don't feel I have let it consume my life, at least I hope not. Being able to put things in writing has really allowed me to jot it down and walk away. You guys are the bomb and I know you will be right here with me for the rest of this crazy journey. So sit back and hold tight cause here we go again!!!
Great game last night for Brody and some kudos from his coaches. It was a hot one and they lost but he played very well. Another gloating Mom moment here! Love the positive things in life!!!
Today was a visit to the dermatologist. She removed the mole on my back that she just wasn't happy with. I'm not expecting it to be anything but with a family history on both sides of melanoma I'm taking no chances. Still numb now but it was a surgery requiring internal and topical stitches. Someday I will actually sit and count how many minor and major surgeries I have had-not sure I really want to know. SMILEY While she was at it she burned some small areas off my face just for cosmetic reasons. I will look like crap for about two weeks but oh well. While at it let's cover all the bases. In our conversation she shared that she has seen several of my plastic surgeon's patients and that he is a good guy and does great work. That was reassuring to hear from a female physician who has seen lots of battle wounds as she does full body cancer checks.
That brings me to the next part of my journey. Are you all sitting down??? I have decided to put on my big girl panties, take the plunge, and start reconstruction. I know, I know, many of you thought I'd never choose that. To be honest I have surprised myself. As you recall I never said never. I said I was scared and was just not sure it was for me, that I was really thinking no but I hadn't ruled it out. So what made me finally come to this decision? Well, here goes...
First I decided I can't keep waiting. Having this weighing on my mind and having pressure from Brad early on has been enough to make me crazy. In many ways tougher than the diagnosis. I wanted it to be my decision and no one elses, I wanted no pressure from anyone. Finally he and I are on the same page and he really doesn't care which choice I make. I think over time he is more comfortable with both options and that is a huge bonus for both of us!
If I do it now at least the first, longest, and most detailed surgery will be completely covered. If things go flawlessly I may be able to have the second step completed by the end of the year. But really folks, this is me we are talking about and the likelihood of that is slim to none! Not being negative, just know my body pretty well.
If I wait then because it's a long process I most likely will mess up yet another summer. I really NEED a stress free summer. If I wait longer than that I am messing with Brody's Senior year for an elective surgery and I'm not about to do that. And lastly everyone says do it before Obama Care kicks in in 2014.
Yes, I still have fears and reservations. I would be lying if I said I didn't. However as I posted after my second appt with plastics I feel much better about it all. Not fond of having it in the surgery center and not the hospital but that is my doctor's preference. It's kinda like " if Mom's happy everyone's happy." If he is around the staff he works with all the time and who knows all his wants and needs that is good for me so I will suck it up and have it there. The bottom line is the only thing I will really be missing is all the TLC from all my old co-workers and friends at the hospital. I have requested to spend the night which was completely my choice, he didn't care either way. Since I had the blood pressure issues after my mastectomies I feel that is just the safest bet.
Can I live the rest of my life with special bras and prostheses? Sure! Do they really annoy me? Not really. They are a bit of a hassle but not that bad. I feel completely normal wearing them and with the exception of being hot they are very comfortable and feel just like me.
Now, a bit of a warning here. If ya don't want to know super personal info then don't read on!!! :)
It's the question everyone wants to ask but is afraid to. Well, it's addressed in a lot of the books I've read and if I'm here to help you learn through your journey or a friend or family member's I may as well cover it too. Has this affected our sex life? Guess what, very minimally. Sure it's a change but we are good with it because it means I'm cancer free. Like any struggle in life, Multiple Sclerosis, a stroke, a debilitating accident, a burn, a colostomy... it's a body image change for both partners and you adapt and move on. Beauty is only skin deep and if you can't look past it then life is much more difficult. It's an adjustment that we have both made. So absolutely in no way have I come to my decision because of that. Besides, if you do the research, and a good doctor will explain all of this, there is not sensation there so things will never be the same whether you rebuild or you don't. Some women's chests are completely numb, not just the scarred area. Fortunately for me a lot of my chest sensation has returned. Brad has told me not to do this for him but " I would kinda like to check out this guy's work." Yep, true statement!!!!
This is something I am doing...for me and no one else. Again, it is strongly advised that this is the woman's decision and no one, not even her husband should insist she reconstruct. One because it is a big surgery and anyone will tell you there is quite a bit of pain. I'll get back to you on that later. Also, there is a lot of guilt associated for loved ones who think you should have the surgery for them. If something doesn't go right or the end result isn't exactly achieved then they may carry a great deal of guilt over it. It just isn't good for either party involved. As I have been very honest about it is still very important to know their opinion on the issue. After all they are your partner and your caregiver.
Am I still afraid of infection? Yes, but my doctor has assured me he will be extra cautious in this area. I could get an infection from having the extra skin removed if I don't reconstruct. Every single break in skin integrity carries that risk.
So why did I decide? Well because I am also afraid that if I don't try it I might regret it. Waiting until I'm older also increases my risks. I am quite certain if I were older I would not go forward. How much older I don't know. Unfortunately I can't just try both ways and then decide and still end up with the same cosmetic effect so it's one or the other. They can come back out although the scarring will be worse than if I just had the extra skin removed. Every step of this process has carried risks. It was a big risk to decide to remove the second breast and not just the diseased one.
Right now surgery is set for September 20th at one of our local surgery centers. Brad is supposed to get to spend the night with me. I go in at 12 noon with surgery taking place at 1pm. It is expected to last 5 hours and involves placement of expanders, a cadaver graft to support them and the final implants, and moving and repositioning of my chest wall muscles. Sounds like lots of fun doesn't it? Oh, and let's not forget the placement of more lovely drains.
For all of you who have commented on my strength and courage, well I hope you've seen nothing yet!!! I'm practicing my knock out punches for round two and I'm hoping the first punch is deadly! Yes, passing go was worrisome, waiting at stop lights for test results was nerve racking, crossing bridges and detours was stressful, but those fears were different. They were decisions I had to make to stay alive. That promotes great inner strength. Making an elective decision is much harder in my case. I must say that my fears have been slowly fading and I'm feeling much more positive. Afterall, if I'm going to kick cancer's ass then it shouldn't be able to take so much from me cause by golly then I might just have to put it back!!!
I have so many of you to credit for helping me get to this point. You have supported me from square one and many of you have continued to check up on me from time to time even though it's been 6 whole months. I can't tell you how much that means. These scars last forever. I don't feel I have let it consume my life, at least I hope not. Being able to put things in writing has really allowed me to jot it down and walk away. You guys are the bomb and I know you will be right here with me for the rest of this crazy journey. So sit back and hold tight cause here we go again!!!
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Tuesday, August 21,2012
What a whirlwind of activity. Brody had his first soccer game last week before school even started. I've decided I kind of like that. Wednesday he started his Junior year at Benton Central. Wow my baby has grown up! We have decided starting on Wednesday is awesome so you get in the groove gradually. So far so good for him and he's doing well adjusting to driving to school and being in charge of himself.
On Friday we moved Kinsey into her dorm at University of Indianapolis. She was so funny before we left home. She didn't want me to stay in the house as she told Molly, our Golden Retriever, good-bye. Molly sleeps with her every night so it will be an adjustment for both of them. But no worries she packed her Build-a-Bear Molly. LOL Getting her settled was fun and we had the mission accomplished in an hour. She has bonded with her roommate already as they have soooo much in common. That alone helps put one's mind at ease. The rooms are nice and the girls had things all planned out in advance thanks to modern technology letting them meet on line ahead of time.
As I was warned saying good-bye was very tough. Even Brad shed a few tears. I did pretty good, choked up a bit a few times on the way home. Brad and I did our first dinner out alone on the way home and that was so nice. I was feeling pretty proud of myself for not being a complete blubbering idiot. I even told a few friends I hadn't cried as much as I thought I would. Then, one by one,as all the well wishing messages of support came flooding in I sobbed. When we got home Brad gave me a big hug and I cried. When we went to bed I cried, the next morning he hugged me and I cried. Do you see the pattern here??? Anyway I'm glad to say I'm doing better now.
Our three year old niece has Kinsey wrapped around her little finger. Her mommy sent a video of her asking to go to Kinsey's. Of course then Kinsey shed a tear. Next thing we know Kinsey came home already yesterday, picked up her cousins at daycare and spent the day with them and us. It was awesome! She had signed up for a retreat so was allowed to move in even before the new Freshmen. What that means is she had two full days of complete down time and was bored stiff-almost no one on campus, no homework and no activities so a perfect time to run home for the day. It gave me a fix and she was able to grab several things more from home that she wanted.
This has sure been a year of stress and firsts but so far so good. I think we are all cruising fairly well. Brody is going to miss his sister but also really enjoy all the extra focus on him with big sis out of the house!
What a whirlwind of activity. Brody had his first soccer game last week before school even started. I've decided I kind of like that. Wednesday he started his Junior year at Benton Central. Wow my baby has grown up! We have decided starting on Wednesday is awesome so you get in the groove gradually. So far so good for him and he's doing well adjusting to driving to school and being in charge of himself.
On Friday we moved Kinsey into her dorm at University of Indianapolis. She was so funny before we left home. She didn't want me to stay in the house as she told Molly, our Golden Retriever, good-bye. Molly sleeps with her every night so it will be an adjustment for both of them. But no worries she packed her Build-a-Bear Molly. LOL Getting her settled was fun and we had the mission accomplished in an hour. She has bonded with her roommate already as they have soooo much in common. That alone helps put one's mind at ease. The rooms are nice and the girls had things all planned out in advance thanks to modern technology letting them meet on line ahead of time.
As I was warned saying good-bye was very tough. Even Brad shed a few tears. I did pretty good, choked up a bit a few times on the way home. Brad and I did our first dinner out alone on the way home and that was so nice. I was feeling pretty proud of myself for not being a complete blubbering idiot. I even told a few friends I hadn't cried as much as I thought I would. Then, one by one,as all the well wishing messages of support came flooding in I sobbed. When we got home Brad gave me a big hug and I cried. When we went to bed I cried, the next morning he hugged me and I cried. Do you see the pattern here??? Anyway I'm glad to say I'm doing better now.
Our three year old niece has Kinsey wrapped around her little finger. Her mommy sent a video of her asking to go to Kinsey's. Of course then Kinsey shed a tear. Next thing we know Kinsey came home already yesterday, picked up her cousins at daycare and spent the day with them and us. It was awesome! She had signed up for a retreat so was allowed to move in even before the new Freshmen. What that means is she had two full days of complete down time and was bored stiff-almost no one on campus, no homework and no activities so a perfect time to run home for the day. It gave me a fix and she was able to grab several things more from home that she wanted.
Saturday, August 11, 2012
August 11, 2012
As I sat on the back porch enjoying the gorgeous cooler weather I thought about how blessed I am to feel good and have so much of this journey behind me. I'm not much of a poet but every once in awhile I like to put a pen to paper. This little poem expresses some feelings and experiences I have had and some that others have shared with me through their journeys.
"You have cancer"
Three simple words evoking so much fear
"How did this happen?" I ask
Shedding a tear
"Why me God?"
"What did I do?"
I know nothing about cancer
I don't have a clue
Anxious, overwhelmed
Angry, sad, alone
Some of these emotions
I have never known
Picking up the pieces
I try to move along
Some days and sometimes
It's tough to stay strong
The waiting, for some
Seems the hardest part
Not knowing the options
Or even where to start
My faith is strong
And carries me through
Along with family and friends
Because that's what they do
God is good!
He'll show me the way
I'm strong and courageous
This cancer will pay!
And so it begins...
X-rays, biopsies, procedures and tests
Great faith in the doctors
They are the best!
Finally! A plan
Surgery, radiation, chemo
The process is in motion
Yet is seems so very slow
Days, weeks, and months
Slowly the time has passed
My life is forever changed
But it's good news at last!
CANCER FREE!!!
Suddenly I'm full of sass
There's nothing better
Than kicking'cancer's ass!!!
I am hoping that as you read this you know that anything is possible with positive thoughts, God, and supporters by your side. My cancer has had a positive outcome. Not so for many that I know. Some have a terminal diagnosis, some are facing it for the third and fourth time. But I believe there are miracles and that they are only possible if we believe in them. So no matter what the story for you or your loved one, you can overcome!
As I sat on the back porch enjoying the gorgeous cooler weather I thought about how blessed I am to feel good and have so much of this journey behind me. I'm not much of a poet but every once in awhile I like to put a pen to paper. This little poem expresses some feelings and experiences I have had and some that others have shared with me through their journeys.
"You have cancer"
Three simple words evoking so much fear
"How did this happen?" I ask
Shedding a tear
"Why me God?"
"What did I do?"
I know nothing about cancer
I don't have a clue
Anxious, overwhelmed
Angry, sad, alone
Some of these emotions
I have never known
Picking up the pieces
I try to move along
Some days and sometimes
It's tough to stay strong
The waiting, for some
Seems the hardest part
Not knowing the options
Or even where to start
My faith is strong
And carries me through
Along with family and friends
Because that's what they do
God is good!
He'll show me the way
I'm strong and courageous
This cancer will pay!
And so it begins...
X-rays, biopsies, procedures and tests
Great faith in the doctors
They are the best!
Finally! A plan
Surgery, radiation, chemo
The process is in motion
Yet is seems so very slow
Days, weeks, and months
Slowly the time has passed
My life is forever changed
But it's good news at last!
CANCER FREE!!!
Suddenly I'm full of sass
There's nothing better
Than kicking'cancer's ass!!!
I am hoping that as you read this you know that anything is possible with positive thoughts, God, and supporters by your side. My cancer has had a positive outcome. Not so for many that I know. Some have a terminal diagnosis, some are facing it for the third and fourth time. But I believe there are miracles and that they are only possible if we believe in them. So no matter what the story for you or your loved one, you can overcome!
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Thursday, August 9
Yikes, a week and a day until we move Kinsey into college! Say it isn't so :( Think we have most everything in place for the move, except my emotions of course. Just the next phase of parenthood I guess.
So proud of Brody. He has been busting his tail at two a day soccer practices in this heat. He was working out on his own before conditioning started. Thank goodness because it is almost more than he can take. So proud of him for all the hard work, for getting himself there on time, and for even washing his own stinky clothes. That is a double bonus for mom! I just hate seeing my kids miserable and quite honestly I think there are ways to get kids in shape without such torture. I don't agree with it but then no one ever asked my opinion. Fortunately for the boys the last one is tomorrow. Yippee!!!
I finally gave up waiting on Brad to plan an evening, or anything for that matter, for just the two of us. After all, I have been very patient since my official diagnosis in February. I booked a campsite and last weekend we went camping without the kids. We did nothing exciting, just relaxed, ate some super healthy food that the kids won't eat, and visited with friends and family that were camping there or staying nearby. It was wonderful! Apparently we need to do that more often because it rained an inch and 7/10 at our house while we were gone. Amazing!
Some of you may have heard of "chemo brain". Well as you can tell by the name it is associated with patients receiving chemo. However, I think that I can attest that you don't have to be going through chemo to suffer from it. Tonight was a perfect example. Brody called me a little after 7 in a panic wanting to know where I was for the parent soccer meeting. I almost panicked. Well gee Brody, your ever so organized mom completely forgot about it! Grrr! I felt horrible!!! And to boot I am one of the soccer moms! Oh yes, epic fail! Fortunately the other mom is more in charge of communication and had all the paperwork ready to hand out at the meeting. I am more the decoration, event planning part of the operation. Unfortunately that didn't make me feel any less awful! :(
While camping I learned of yet another member of our church with a new cancer diagnosis, another melanoma. Fortunately it sounds like the prognosis is good and he should be in great shape for his daughter's wedding in a few weeks. Whew! Tomorrow a friend who had a mastectomy two weeks after mine is undergoing surgery again. She has decided to have the other breast removed and do reconstruction. I spoke with her today and she's all fired up and ready to go. I'm very excited for her to finally get all this behind her and be able to move on. She was very positive and encouraging to talk to. We have the same surgeon and plastic surgeon so a lot in common. I've been praying for both of these folks but will be saying some extra prayers for her tomorrow for sure.
In the meantime I keep pondering and leaning more towards the idea of reconstruction for me. To be continued.....
Yikes, a week and a day until we move Kinsey into college! Say it isn't so :( Think we have most everything in place for the move, except my emotions of course. Just the next phase of parenthood I guess.
So proud of Brody. He has been busting his tail at two a day soccer practices in this heat. He was working out on his own before conditioning started. Thank goodness because it is almost more than he can take. So proud of him for all the hard work, for getting himself there on time, and for even washing his own stinky clothes. That is a double bonus for mom! I just hate seeing my kids miserable and quite honestly I think there are ways to get kids in shape without such torture. I don't agree with it but then no one ever asked my opinion. Fortunately for the boys the last one is tomorrow. Yippee!!!
I finally gave up waiting on Brad to plan an evening, or anything for that matter, for just the two of us. After all, I have been very patient since my official diagnosis in February. I booked a campsite and last weekend we went camping without the kids. We did nothing exciting, just relaxed, ate some super healthy food that the kids won't eat, and visited with friends and family that were camping there or staying nearby. It was wonderful! Apparently we need to do that more often because it rained an inch and 7/10 at our house while we were gone. Amazing!
Some of you may have heard of "chemo brain". Well as you can tell by the name it is associated with patients receiving chemo. However, I think that I can attest that you don't have to be going through chemo to suffer from it. Tonight was a perfect example. Brody called me a little after 7 in a panic wanting to know where I was for the parent soccer meeting. I almost panicked. Well gee Brody, your ever so organized mom completely forgot about it! Grrr! I felt horrible!!! And to boot I am one of the soccer moms! Oh yes, epic fail! Fortunately the other mom is more in charge of communication and had all the paperwork ready to hand out at the meeting. I am more the decoration, event planning part of the operation. Unfortunately that didn't make me feel any less awful! :(
While camping I learned of yet another member of our church with a new cancer diagnosis, another melanoma. Fortunately it sounds like the prognosis is good and he should be in great shape for his daughter's wedding in a few weeks. Whew! Tomorrow a friend who had a mastectomy two weeks after mine is undergoing surgery again. She has decided to have the other breast removed and do reconstruction. I spoke with her today and she's all fired up and ready to go. I'm very excited for her to finally get all this behind her and be able to move on. She was very positive and encouraging to talk to. We have the same surgeon and plastic surgeon so a lot in common. I've been praying for both of these folks but will be saying some extra prayers for her tomorrow for sure.
In the meantime I keep pondering and leaning more towards the idea of reconstruction for me. To be continued.....
Friday, August 3, 2012
Wednesday, August 1st
Well I survived the prep and as usual the procedure was a breeze! Colonoscopy complete and no areas of concern seen. I had just cleared another hurdle. Honestly I wasn't really worried but it was still a relief to know I got the "all clear".
Kinsey had the day off and took me to the surgery center so Brad wouldn't have to miss work again. As chance would have it the nurse prepping me is fighting breast cancer. Bless her heart! Had we not chatted I would have never noticed she was wearing a wig. It looked so beautiful and natural. She shared her story and once again I am counting my blessings. Lumpectomy, 24 nodes removed, chemo, going for bilateral mastecomies and reconstruction and also needs radiation...the works! The poor dear! One would never know what she has battled-so sweet, outgoing and oh so strong and positive!!! We swapped stories then I was whisked off to the procedure room. There my new nurse asked if I knew the doctor very well who was performing the procedure. I laughed sharing that I just "kind of " knew him as he had removed my breasts in April We both laughed and she shared that many of the women coming through know him that way. I noted the pink ribbon on her scrubs and asked if it was for the other nurse. Sure enough it was. So good to see her peers supporting her!
My doctor entered and asked what was new. I briefly shared that I had seen the plastic surgeon and was still deliberating. He reviewed my family history and was appalled that my dad had colon cancer in his sixties, still fairly young, and that no one had ordered a colonoscopy on him prior to that but that he had requested it after learning about colon cancer awareness month. He patted my hand and assured me that I was going to have no issues and therefore we would not need to be having any further cancer discussions. He was right.
In the past I have come home and slept off the drugs then gone on with my day. This time I was much more subdued. I slept over 3 hours and then sat around all day just feeling exhausted. It was a good day to just hang out and read so that's exactly what I did.
The last thing to cross off my list is the mole removal. Can't remember if I shared but I did get that appointment moved up so it will happen later this month. That one concerns me a bit due to Dad's history of melanoma. The basal cell cancer history with him and my grandma are not nearly as alarming but of course I am hoping for an all clear here as well. For now I am just trying to enjoy the last bit of time before my kids go back to school. Have I mentioned lately how much I dislike August??? :)
Well I survived the prep and as usual the procedure was a breeze! Colonoscopy complete and no areas of concern seen. I had just cleared another hurdle. Honestly I wasn't really worried but it was still a relief to know I got the "all clear".
Kinsey had the day off and took me to the surgery center so Brad wouldn't have to miss work again. As chance would have it the nurse prepping me is fighting breast cancer. Bless her heart! Had we not chatted I would have never noticed she was wearing a wig. It looked so beautiful and natural. She shared her story and once again I am counting my blessings. Lumpectomy, 24 nodes removed, chemo, going for bilateral mastecomies and reconstruction and also needs radiation...the works! The poor dear! One would never know what she has battled-so sweet, outgoing and oh so strong and positive!!! We swapped stories then I was whisked off to the procedure room. There my new nurse asked if I knew the doctor very well who was performing the procedure. I laughed sharing that I just "kind of " knew him as he had removed my breasts in April We both laughed and she shared that many of the women coming through know him that way. I noted the pink ribbon on her scrubs and asked if it was for the other nurse. Sure enough it was. So good to see her peers supporting her!
My doctor entered and asked what was new. I briefly shared that I had seen the plastic surgeon and was still deliberating. He reviewed my family history and was appalled that my dad had colon cancer in his sixties, still fairly young, and that no one had ordered a colonoscopy on him prior to that but that he had requested it after learning about colon cancer awareness month. He patted my hand and assured me that I was going to have no issues and therefore we would not need to be having any further cancer discussions. He was right.
In the past I have come home and slept off the drugs then gone on with my day. This time I was much more subdued. I slept over 3 hours and then sat around all day just feeling exhausted. It was a good day to just hang out and read so that's exactly what I did.
The last thing to cross off my list is the mole removal. Can't remember if I shared but I did get that appointment moved up so it will happen later this month. That one concerns me a bit due to Dad's history of melanoma. The basal cell cancer history with him and my grandma are not nearly as alarming but of course I am hoping for an all clear here as well. For now I am just trying to enjoy the last bit of time before my kids go back to school. Have I mentioned lately how much I dislike August??? :)
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Monday, July 30th
Sorry I'm posting these appointments so late. This week has really taken the wind out of my sails! Monday was the much anticipated trip to the plastic surgeon. Brad and I really like this guy. He is so laid back but so thorough and particular. He was running an hour and 20 min behind so thank goodness my appointment was at 4pm so Brad didn't miss a half day of work to join me. The doctor spent 40 min with us so it's kinda hard to be upset that he was behind. I feel it's because he covers every base with every patient.
None of the information was really new, mostly just review. The difference was we both had a much clearer head about all of this. I was very open and honest in discussing that reconstruction is the one surgery I do fear. Every other one just seemed that I had an issue, it needed fixed, so my opinion was let's get on with it already. This one is just so much different-it's completely elective and comes with a whole host of risks. I explained my past history of infections even while on antibiotics and the suspicious infections I have had over the last 12 years. The surgeon explained what I already knew. The trends in research now say don't over treat with antibiotics, in fact, back way off. He admitted that he and many of his colleagues have always treated patients with pre-op antibiotics and then continued them for a while after surgery. Statistics show there are no real benefits to this for most patients. He admitted he has to really focus on breaking that old habit. However he did say that with my history and knowing I had an infection after my mastectomies as well as issues with drainage that he would in fact use more liberal antibiotics for me. Just because I have had a history of infections that it doesn't mean I will this time but at the same time it could mean I'm at higher risk. Looking back my infections really haven't been associated with surgeries at all except the fluid from the mastectomy so that is good. Just knowing he would agree to treat me with antibiotics was a relief. I have often joked that currently it's easier for a patient to get an antidepressant or an narcotic prescribed than it is to get an antibiotic!
As we discussed before, the process involves scheduling approximately a 5 hour surgery to place the expanders, add some saline during surgery, then allow for healing time. He stressed he does one step at a time to make sure healing is progressing as it should and that there are no issues. He won't do any further fills after surgery until healing is under way and drains are out. Yes, this surgery means more drains! After several weeks expansion begins with saline fills. Everyone tolerates these differently and progresses at their own rate. Expansion takes anywhere from 2-4 months. After expansion is complete then the surgery to exchange the expanders for the implants takes place. It usually takes about 2 hours. The chest muscle is pulled up and used as is cadaver grafting to help support the implants.
He did assess my incisions and felt there were no issues in regards to my prior infection. My skin is in good condition and there is plenty there to work with. We did talk a bit more about the formation of nipples and he showed us specific photos of that process. He absolutely won't do the nipple construction at the same time as the exchange for the implants as he feels it is way too risky and needs to be done after healing is well under way for the breasts. Another sign that he is a perfectionist. If the breasts don't heal just right then by putting nipples on immediately could cause them to end up uneven, off center etc. Also, if the underlying new breast tissue is not healthy with good circulation it could cause the nipple construction to fail. There are some doctors who will do the two together. Brad and I quickly agreed that is not for me anyway. There is not normal sensation there and for most women there is none. Some women don't even have to wear a bra after reconstruction if they don't want to unless they have nipples that need covered up. Just another very personal choice. I would strictly be going for some contour and with my infection concerns this could easily be crossed off my list so an easy decision for me!
He really stressed he felt I made a smart decision to have both breasts removed as prophylaxis. In his experience he has seen so many women suffer undue stress each time they have follow ups worrying that the remaining breast has developed a cancer. And of course from a reconstruction standpoint it is much easier to match breasts starting at the ground level. I'm still very happy with that decision! It was the right one for me!
If I had booked today he could have done my first surgery before the end of August. He encouraged us to take all the time needed and to call him when I am ready. He himself really helped put me more at ease, it's just still a very lengthy involved process.
Brad and I talked that although I don't want to be on a time frame we feel I am. I just want all of this behind me. I'm ready to move on to the next chapter of my life cancer free. I deep down would love to have some shape back if I could come to grips with what all it entails. And financially, I just really need to do it before the end of the year. Starting a new year with medical bills is very unappealing but even more so is starting another year with surgeries and recovery time. My hysterectomy and my sinus surgeries were both during the summer. My mastectomies hampered my summer plans this year. I would so love to have a summer to just simply relax and enjoy life without pain and healing time or loss of work. Oh the decisions!!!
Sorry I'm posting these appointments so late. This week has really taken the wind out of my sails! Monday was the much anticipated trip to the plastic surgeon. Brad and I really like this guy. He is so laid back but so thorough and particular. He was running an hour and 20 min behind so thank goodness my appointment was at 4pm so Brad didn't miss a half day of work to join me. The doctor spent 40 min with us so it's kinda hard to be upset that he was behind. I feel it's because he covers every base with every patient.
None of the information was really new, mostly just review. The difference was we both had a much clearer head about all of this. I was very open and honest in discussing that reconstruction is the one surgery I do fear. Every other one just seemed that I had an issue, it needed fixed, so my opinion was let's get on with it already. This one is just so much different-it's completely elective and comes with a whole host of risks. I explained my past history of infections even while on antibiotics and the suspicious infections I have had over the last 12 years. The surgeon explained what I already knew. The trends in research now say don't over treat with antibiotics, in fact, back way off. He admitted that he and many of his colleagues have always treated patients with pre-op antibiotics and then continued them for a while after surgery. Statistics show there are no real benefits to this for most patients. He admitted he has to really focus on breaking that old habit. However he did say that with my history and knowing I had an infection after my mastectomies as well as issues with drainage that he would in fact use more liberal antibiotics for me. Just because I have had a history of infections that it doesn't mean I will this time but at the same time it could mean I'm at higher risk. Looking back my infections really haven't been associated with surgeries at all except the fluid from the mastectomy so that is good. Just knowing he would agree to treat me with antibiotics was a relief. I have often joked that currently it's easier for a patient to get an antidepressant or an narcotic prescribed than it is to get an antibiotic!
As we discussed before, the process involves scheduling approximately a 5 hour surgery to place the expanders, add some saline during surgery, then allow for healing time. He stressed he does one step at a time to make sure healing is progressing as it should and that there are no issues. He won't do any further fills after surgery until healing is under way and drains are out. Yes, this surgery means more drains! After several weeks expansion begins with saline fills. Everyone tolerates these differently and progresses at their own rate. Expansion takes anywhere from 2-4 months. After expansion is complete then the surgery to exchange the expanders for the implants takes place. It usually takes about 2 hours. The chest muscle is pulled up and used as is cadaver grafting to help support the implants.
He did assess my incisions and felt there were no issues in regards to my prior infection. My skin is in good condition and there is plenty there to work with. We did talk a bit more about the formation of nipples and he showed us specific photos of that process. He absolutely won't do the nipple construction at the same time as the exchange for the implants as he feels it is way too risky and needs to be done after healing is well under way for the breasts. Another sign that he is a perfectionist. If the breasts don't heal just right then by putting nipples on immediately could cause them to end up uneven, off center etc. Also, if the underlying new breast tissue is not healthy with good circulation it could cause the nipple construction to fail. There are some doctors who will do the two together. Brad and I quickly agreed that is not for me anyway. There is not normal sensation there and for most women there is none. Some women don't even have to wear a bra after reconstruction if they don't want to unless they have nipples that need covered up. Just another very personal choice. I would strictly be going for some contour and with my infection concerns this could easily be crossed off my list so an easy decision for me!
He really stressed he felt I made a smart decision to have both breasts removed as prophylaxis. In his experience he has seen so many women suffer undue stress each time they have follow ups worrying that the remaining breast has developed a cancer. And of course from a reconstruction standpoint it is much easier to match breasts starting at the ground level. I'm still very happy with that decision! It was the right one for me!
If I had booked today he could have done my first surgery before the end of August. He encouraged us to take all the time needed and to call him when I am ready. He himself really helped put me more at ease, it's just still a very lengthy involved process.
Brad and I talked that although I don't want to be on a time frame we feel I am. I just want all of this behind me. I'm ready to move on to the next chapter of my life cancer free. I deep down would love to have some shape back if I could come to grips with what all it entails. And financially, I just really need to do it before the end of the year. Starting a new year with medical bills is very unappealing but even more so is starting another year with surgeries and recovery time. My hysterectomy and my sinus surgeries were both during the summer. My mastectomies hampered my summer plans this year. I would so love to have a summer to just simply relax and enjoy life without pain and healing time or loss of work. Oh the decisions!!!
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