Monday, June 25,2012

This afternoon a Reach for Recovery volunteer made connections with me. We had a nice chat about our Journeys and she shared her experience with reconstruction. She chose to start hers immediately after bilateral mastectomies and it went flawlessly even though she did need chemo. She is very happy with the end result and said her implants feel like a normal part of her now. Her story once again makes me realize how fortunate I have been. Her mother died of breast cancer in her early fifties, one sister was diagnosed at 33, she was diagnosed at 50 and I don't remember the age her second sister was diagnosed. An entire family fighting the fight! I can't even comprehend that. For this family it means the daughters of any of these women need to start their mammograms at age 23, ten years younger than the youngest person diagnosed. That has to be an overwhelming thought for the younger generation of her family.

This evening I attended a support group meeting. We had a local psychologist as a guest speaker and her focus was on our families/support persons/care givers. Family members are always welcome to attend but were encouraged to attend tonight. It was my hope that Brad would join me but when I asked he made it clear he had no interest so I went alone. It was a wonderful evening especially since there was a new face-a three time cancer survivor. She has had breast, ovarian, and colon cancer. Now that's an amazing woman!

The psychologist asked what types of support we had received and we discussed how our supporters all have different roles-some visit, cook, text or email, some send cards, babysit, and even pray. She asked if there were any times when someone was trying to be supportive and instead it was hurtful. Unfortunately that does happen.  Sharing those stories made us all aware that if we are in the role of supporter we might more carefully choose our words so as to accomplish a more therapeutic effect. People don't mean to be hurtful when they try to help but sometimes they just aren't able to express themselves in an effective way. We spoke about the importance of long term follow up even after the initial diagnosis and treatment. A cancer diagnosis, even if considered cured, has lifelong effects. A routine physical can evoke incredible stress and fear of recurrence. Something as simple as tagging along at a 6 mo checkup may mean so much!

One point I found very helpful was  instead of asking what you can do it can be helpful to call and simply throw an offer on the table. Offer to get groceries, come clean the house, help carpool kids, or bring a meal. The person not feeling well may simply decline your offer of help because they are being nice or because they don't really know at that moment what it is they need. A simple suggestion goes a long way and doesn't put the person you are offering to help on the spot. I have a lot more experience being a support person than being the one needing support. That is definitely a tip I will try to remember.

It's amazing what can be accomplished in one hour and how helpful just getting together with other survivors can really be. The meeting ended with a brief discussion about Relay for Life which will be held at our local high school on Friday night. I will be attending and both of my kids will be volunteering for the event. Really hoping for some good weather and not the 100 degree heat that is predicted.