Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Kind of a rough day today for me and Brad. Trying to stay busy yet getting a little nervous about tomorrow. I see the oncologist and a friend, the basketball mom I mentioned earlier, has her bilateral mastectomies. Going to be an emotional day ahead! I have sent my well wishes to her and her family and have prayed for them regularly. Wishing her only the best!
Although our journey is still in the beginning stages, friends and family have asked how the kids and Brad are handling all of this. Sometimes that has been difficult to answer. Brody is like me-deep in his thoughts and his emotions. He keeps some things to himself but usually I can read him if he's bothered by something. Kinsey is much more like Brad, very quiet and to herself, only letting her thoughts out when she is completely ready, if then. As they say it's the quiet ones ya gotta worry about. :)
As I knew would eventually happen, today was a turning point for my husband Brad. To be perfectly honest it has taken longer for all of this to sink in for him. Partly because he doesn't have medical background and partly as this is his nature. This is neither a bad nor a negative thing, it is just how he handles stress. He knows that and I know that so it was completely expected. As I am sure you are aware from your own experiences, when there are bumps in the road we all handle them in different fashions. The key is that we do handle them! Brad has gone to all the appointments that I wanted him to, the others I felt it wasn't necessary for him to miss work. However getting him to talk is more difficult. Frankly I've been worried about how he has really been handling all of this. Finally, today he opened up. It must have been a huge relief to him as I know it certainly was to me!!! Without sharing too much personal information let me just say that we had a wonderful talk! Sometimes when you have been with someone for 27 years (5 dating, 22 married) you think talking is automatic-not always!
Let me just end my note today by saying that talking is something very individual. For me, like my dad, I was given the gift of gab. OK, not as big of gift as him but still a gift!!! Some of you have voiced hesitation on if you should ask me about my journey when you see me on the street. Please feel free! Even I have times when I just can't talk about it anymore and if it happens to be one of those times I will be honest and say so. Please don't think you have offended me or hurt my feelings by asking.
Through Thick and Thin
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Monday, February 27, 2012
Not much has happened yet a lot has happened. That makes perfect sense! So we made the executive decision to doctor locally and the plastic surgery and oncology visits are set up. As luck would have it my sister knows the oncology nurse practitioner. She is a super sweetheart and actually spoke with me on the phone to offer education and support. She made sure to set up my appointment before our trip for Spring Break so that we can do the gene testing. This will be the big deciding factor on if the right breast stays or goes. She also asked when I was thinking of having surgery, right after our vacation or waiting until after Kinsey graduates in June. I explained that this was not evident last year, it is this large in one year, and if I wait until mid June it will have had 5 full months to grow from the time it was seen on mammogram in January. Therefore I want to schedule surgery at the end of March! She fully agreed and expressed her concerns that it may be spreading. This just makes sense anyway as we need gene testing results and the plastics consult first and all that takes time but we don't want to waste time.
The nurse from Dr. number one also called. She needed to pass along my MRI results and the second opinion on the biopsies. She told me they too confirmed that all 7 biopsies are DCIS. She also gave me the measurements of the area from my MRI. She stressed that since it is was larger than originally thought there is a chance that the cancer is now invasive. Hmmm two opinions, outside of the concerns my sister and I have, that this non-invasive cancer MIGHT be spreading.
It's hard to not let all of this consume your life, yet at this point it kind of does as so many things need planned and decided. A friend passed along some books to me. Another nurse shared a great website for info as did my sister. I spent several hours just educating and researching. Finally I needed a break so grabbed some groceries and made dinner. After dinner I decided it was time to explain more to my family-just exactly where we are in this whole process. It's difficult because I don't want the kids to have too much information yet they are young adults and I don't want it all to hit them at once. Hopefully by giving them small increments they will better deal with it.
After dinner I decided to share what appointments are set up and why. I also chose to explain to them that there are some concerns that this might be spreading. I really stressed MIGHT and that we do not know and will not know until after the surgery. I gave them time to ask questions and told them at this point we really need to be focusing our prayers that the cancer would stay contained. They seemed to understand. Later it was just quiet time for Brad and I to absorb everything.
Not much has happened yet a lot has happened. That makes perfect sense! So we made the executive decision to doctor locally and the plastic surgery and oncology visits are set up. As luck would have it my sister knows the oncology nurse practitioner. She is a super sweetheart and actually spoke with me on the phone to offer education and support. She made sure to set up my appointment before our trip for Spring Break so that we can do the gene testing. This will be the big deciding factor on if the right breast stays or goes. She also asked when I was thinking of having surgery, right after our vacation or waiting until after Kinsey graduates in June. I explained that this was not evident last year, it is this large in one year, and if I wait until mid June it will have had 5 full months to grow from the time it was seen on mammogram in January. Therefore I want to schedule surgery at the end of March! She fully agreed and expressed her concerns that it may be spreading. This just makes sense anyway as we need gene testing results and the plastics consult first and all that takes time but we don't want to waste time.
The nurse from Dr. number one also called. She needed to pass along my MRI results and the second opinion on the biopsies. She told me they too confirmed that all 7 biopsies are DCIS. She also gave me the measurements of the area from my MRI. She stressed that since it is was larger than originally thought there is a chance that the cancer is now invasive. Hmmm two opinions, outside of the concerns my sister and I have, that this non-invasive cancer MIGHT be spreading.
It's hard to not let all of this consume your life, yet at this point it kind of does as so many things need planned and decided. A friend passed along some books to me. Another nurse shared a great website for info as did my sister. I spent several hours just educating and researching. Finally I needed a break so grabbed some groceries and made dinner. After dinner I decided it was time to explain more to my family-just exactly where we are in this whole process. It's difficult because I don't want the kids to have too much information yet they are young adults and I don't want it all to hit them at once. Hopefully by giving them small increments they will better deal with it.
After dinner I decided to share what appointments are set up and why. I also chose to explain to them that there are some concerns that this might be spreading. I really stressed MIGHT and that we do not know and will not know until after the surgery. I gave them time to ask questions and told them at this point we really need to be focusing our prayers that the cancer would stay contained. They seemed to understand. Later it was just quiet time for Brad and I to absorb everything.
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Friday, February 24, 2012
This morning I was able to consult with a local surgeon for a second opinion. Brad and my sister Kristin (a nurse practitioner) both went along. Kristin had offered to go to the first appointment but I hated for her to miss work. so I told her not to worry about going. Later I was really wishing I would have taken her up on the offer. I was so glad she could join us today.
This doctor started in a similar fashion. He spoke with us and examined me. He looked over just the path report as that was the only info he had at that point and was hopeful he could suggest a lumpectomy and radiation to save the breast. However he stated he needed to review all the info before giving a full treatment plan.
1. He clearly stated this IS cancer, no questions asked. He clarified it is not life threatening and has a 98% cure rate either way-lumpectomy and radiation vs mastectomy.
2. After reviewing the mammo pictures he was leaning towards mastectomy. The radiologist had shared her thoughts for mastectomy and also that I had told her mastectomy was my preference.
3. Next he tried to obtain the MRI results from out of town. He was successful in getting the left side results but not yet the right side. Maybe they were not through dictating. That was the deal breaker. He read the results to all of us. I'm going to be perfectly honest, I was kind of blown away. The area measured 9.3cm by as wide as 2x2cm and 3.5cm. This would be way too large to do a lumpectomy, in fact he would now need to check a lymph node.
4. We discussed genetic testing and all agreed that needed done.
5. He offered to set me up to see a plastic surgeon to discuss reconstruction.
6. The right side is still undecided as we need the MRI results from it. Also, should I carry the gene, that would also help determine a plan for the right.
These things all made perfect sense to all three of us and I was certainly feeling much more comfortable with this doctor from the very beginning. Now to make a final decision.
We got home and in the mail was paperwork from doctor number one. It was instructions for surgery. Even being a nurse I was having a difficult time figuring out just what kind of surgery. I had not agreed to re-biopsy. It appeared to be mapping out lymph nodes and then doing a surgery to obtain them. That typically happens with the mastectomy. There was no letter of explanation, nothing. That paperwork helped us finalize our decision. We are going to stick with the local doctor. I just feel much more comfortable, he also comes with high recommendations as does the plastic surgeon I would see, and he is close to home. There is something to be said for it being close to Brad's and my sister's work. Especially since Kristin is my health care representative.
Although my mind was somewhat at ease my stress level was still high. My dear friend Mary, who was 99, passed away last night. My heart was still very heavy. Her passing was a blessing but I will miss her terribly! If that wasn't enough, just before my appointment my dad had called to say that he was taking his fiance' Dianne to the emergency room for bleeding. Needless to say I left my appointment and headed to the ER to be with them. Fortunately she was released and will have follow-up testing.
That pretty much sums up an emotionally exhausting day. I do feel that my prayers were answered in that I was able to make a decision on my surgeon and it was agreeable to both Brad and I. Now to start researching reconstruction.
This morning I was able to consult with a local surgeon for a second opinion. Brad and my sister Kristin (a nurse practitioner) both went along. Kristin had offered to go to the first appointment but I hated for her to miss work. so I told her not to worry about going. Later I was really wishing I would have taken her up on the offer. I was so glad she could join us today.
This doctor started in a similar fashion. He spoke with us and examined me. He looked over just the path report as that was the only info he had at that point and was hopeful he could suggest a lumpectomy and radiation to save the breast. However he stated he needed to review all the info before giving a full treatment plan.
1. He clearly stated this IS cancer, no questions asked. He clarified it is not life threatening and has a 98% cure rate either way-lumpectomy and radiation vs mastectomy.
2. After reviewing the mammo pictures he was leaning towards mastectomy. The radiologist had shared her thoughts for mastectomy and also that I had told her mastectomy was my preference.
3. Next he tried to obtain the MRI results from out of town. He was successful in getting the left side results but not yet the right side. Maybe they were not through dictating. That was the deal breaker. He read the results to all of us. I'm going to be perfectly honest, I was kind of blown away. The area measured 9.3cm by as wide as 2x2cm and 3.5cm. This would be way too large to do a lumpectomy, in fact he would now need to check a lymph node.
4. We discussed genetic testing and all agreed that needed done.
5. He offered to set me up to see a plastic surgeon to discuss reconstruction.
6. The right side is still undecided as we need the MRI results from it. Also, should I carry the gene, that would also help determine a plan for the right.
These things all made perfect sense to all three of us and I was certainly feeling much more comfortable with this doctor from the very beginning. Now to make a final decision.
We got home and in the mail was paperwork from doctor number one. It was instructions for surgery. Even being a nurse I was having a difficult time figuring out just what kind of surgery. I had not agreed to re-biopsy. It appeared to be mapping out lymph nodes and then doing a surgery to obtain them. That typically happens with the mastectomy. There was no letter of explanation, nothing. That paperwork helped us finalize our decision. We are going to stick with the local doctor. I just feel much more comfortable, he also comes with high recommendations as does the plastic surgeon I would see, and he is close to home. There is something to be said for it being close to Brad's and my sister's work. Especially since Kristin is my health care representative.
Although my mind was somewhat at ease my stress level was still high. My dear friend Mary, who was 99, passed away last night. My heart was still very heavy. Her passing was a blessing but I will miss her terribly! If that wasn't enough, just before my appointment my dad had called to say that he was taking his fiance' Dianne to the emergency room for bleeding. Needless to say I left my appointment and headed to the ER to be with them. Fortunately she was released and will have follow-up testing.
That pretty much sums up an emotionally exhausting day. I do feel that my prayers were answered in that I was able to make a decision on my surgeon and it was agreeable to both Brad and I. Now to start researching reconstruction.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
I headed South bright and early for my first ever breast MRI. Have had others MRIs but not like this. I am not normally claustraphopic but decided to not even look at the machine, just the table. Until after the procedure I couldn't have told you if it was open or closed. Good thing! They prepped me and put me on the table. I had to lay face down with my face in a tiny horseshoe pillow-much smaller than the ones used for a massage. It was a 45 min test. Holy Shit Batman!!!! Brad offered to go but I assured him I would be fine. He will be missing so much work throughout all of this and his boss is totally supportive. We don't want to take advantage of that and want him to go to the more important steps.
The contrast did not bother me at all, just made my tongue feel thick for a few seconds. I was very uncomfortable and started praying the rosary. It was Ash Wednesday and I had nothing but time. With 6 min left I couldn't do it any longer. I got extremely hot and asked to stop. If I chose to stop it was all in vain and we would have to start over. Lord help me! They did one more min and slid me out. I was able to raise my head just enough to take a sip of water and put on an ice pack. I regrouped and went back in for 5 more min. I do believe that was worse than the biopsy! Next time I will ask for sedation for sure! After I hopped off the table I looked back. Thank goodness I hadn't checked out the machine before hand! No wonder I got hot. It was like a little cave in there.
Next I visited the gift shop. It was difficult seeing so many cancer related items but it was therapeutic at the same time. I spent more than I should have and sat down to take a break and look over all my loot. After all when the going gets tough the tough go shopping!
That's when hospice called to inform me of the sudden downturn of my dear friend Mary who I have been with for 9 years. I was to have been staying with her today but couldn't due to my MRI. Mary hasn't been alert enough to fully understand if I shared my situation with her. But I know she would have insisted I get the MRI asap so I did! Overwhelming guilt set in. I had a huge day-MRI, meeting an old friend for lunch, and working all night. Plus I had been awake since 4AM unable to sleep. Once again I regrouped and called another dear friend. I zipped home and she picked me up and we headed to Mary's. We spent 5 wonderful hours at her bedside and visiting with her other caregivers. It was difficult but good! She looked very peaceful. Next it was off to work from 10pm-6:30am.
I headed South bright and early for my first ever breast MRI. Have had others MRIs but not like this. I am not normally claustraphopic but decided to not even look at the machine, just the table. Until after the procedure I couldn't have told you if it was open or closed. Good thing! They prepped me and put me on the table. I had to lay face down with my face in a tiny horseshoe pillow-much smaller than the ones used for a massage. It was a 45 min test. Holy Shit Batman!!!! Brad offered to go but I assured him I would be fine. He will be missing so much work throughout all of this and his boss is totally supportive. We don't want to take advantage of that and want him to go to the more important steps.
The contrast did not bother me at all, just made my tongue feel thick for a few seconds. I was very uncomfortable and started praying the rosary. It was Ash Wednesday and I had nothing but time. With 6 min left I couldn't do it any longer. I got extremely hot and asked to stop. If I chose to stop it was all in vain and we would have to start over. Lord help me! They did one more min and slid me out. I was able to raise my head just enough to take a sip of water and put on an ice pack. I regrouped and went back in for 5 more min. I do believe that was worse than the biopsy! Next time I will ask for sedation for sure! After I hopped off the table I looked back. Thank goodness I hadn't checked out the machine before hand! No wonder I got hot. It was like a little cave in there.
Next I visited the gift shop. It was difficult seeing so many cancer related items but it was therapeutic at the same time. I spent more than I should have and sat down to take a break and look over all my loot. After all when the going gets tough the tough go shopping!
That's when hospice called to inform me of the sudden downturn of my dear friend Mary who I have been with for 9 years. I was to have been staying with her today but couldn't due to my MRI. Mary hasn't been alert enough to fully understand if I shared my situation with her. But I know she would have insisted I get the MRI asap so I did! Overwhelming guilt set in. I had a huge day-MRI, meeting an old friend for lunch, and working all night. Plus I had been awake since 4AM unable to sleep. Once again I regrouped and called another dear friend. I zipped home and she picked me up and we headed to Mary's. We spent 5 wonderful hours at her bedside and visiting with her other caregivers. It was difficult but good! She looked very peaceful. Next it was off to work from 10pm-6:30am.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
The call came in scheduling my MRI for tomorrow. Great! The surgeon had assured us that by reapeating these things we wouldn't lose more than a week. No huge urgency getting surgery scheduled but doctors understand how stressful the waiting period is.
After much deliberation as well as networking with all my nurse friends I was absolutely certain I would not agree to a repeat biopsy and that I wanted a second opinion. If memory served me correct, every time you mess with the area in question there is an increased chance of spreading those cancer cells. So I began my research and confirmed that to be true, in particular with ductal carcinoma. The information is very clear that the surgeon needs to be very precise if the lumpectomy route is chosen. For now Brad and I could deal with repeating all but the biopsy itself. We are trying to keep an open mind and hear the info presented. Then we will have to decide if we agree or disagree.
The call came in scheduling my MRI for tomorrow. Great! The surgeon had assured us that by reapeating these things we wouldn't lose more than a week. No huge urgency getting surgery scheduled but doctors understand how stressful the waiting period is.
After much deliberation as well as networking with all my nurse friends I was absolutely certain I would not agree to a repeat biopsy and that I wanted a second opinion. If memory served me correct, every time you mess with the area in question there is an increased chance of spreading those cancer cells. So I began my research and confirmed that to be true, in particular with ductal carcinoma. The information is very clear that the surgeon needs to be very precise if the lumpectomy route is chosen. For now Brad and I could deal with repeating all but the biopsy itself. We are trying to keep an open mind and hear the info presented. Then we will have to decide if we agree or disagree.
Monday, February 20, 2012
After recieving my results I was home by 4:30 so decided to jump in with both feet. Just before closing Thurs. I reached the surgeon's office. This fella came highly recommended by family and friends so we thought we would begin that part of my journey by heading South. We were amazed that he agreed to see us over his lunch hour today!
As you read this please remember I am a nurse. My background is 18 years of critical care and about three years in longterm care with some homecare mixed in. I think like a nurse and have many experiences dealing with doctors in a wide variety of situations. I also have had 5 major surgeries myself along with several minor ones. I have had multiple family members critically and chronically ill who I have cared for and followed through serious illness and even rehab. I am not new to how the medical profession operates.Therefore I think more critically about these things when weighing my options.
First was our meet and greet and my physical exam. Next came his review of my records. We were impressed to this point.Very compassionate and thorough, not in a hurry. Next he started through my records one at a time.
1. Mammogram-he stated he wanted to repeat mine because he wanted more magnification in the views. I have had sooo many views up to this point I did not feel the need, expecially since I had seen mine and it seemed very clear to me untrained in that area, however I realized he would be looking much more critically than I so we agreed to that.
2. He wanted an MRI. Good deal! I was told to expect that and I wouldn't have it any other way. This was just more confirmation but also would look at the other breast in a different way.
3. He reviewed my biopsy results/pathology report. This was where I began to question. He read them and told us that he was not convinced I had DCIS. I was speechless. My radiologist prepped me for the news with just the mammo but explained obviously it was not definitive until a biopsy was optained. My general surgeon had reviewed the films and confirmed, and the biopsy was straight forward. He lost Brad here. From now and for the next two hours my husband was thinking there was some hope I didn't have cancer but rather the atypical hyperplasia cells. The Dr. further explained that if that was the case I would just need oral chemo and radiation. Hmmm. I just continued to listen.
4. More on the pathology report. He wanted to actually have his pathologist view the slides and give his opinion. We didn't have a big problem with that as it was a second opinion but again it didn't really seem necessary.
5. The biopsy itself- He said he was pretty sure he would even like to repeat the biopsy. He then further explained his entire rationale. He said that there have been mastectomies when there was no cancer and that he just told a woman who thought she had cancer that she didn't.
If there is one thing any medical professional knows it is do everything with the utmost care, be on your toes so as not to make mistakes, and triple check everything!!! And sometimes, because we are all human, mistakes still get made. For now I decided to go to the repeat mammo and get theMRI and think on the rest. The really stressful part was trying to explain to my husband to put most of what he had just heard out of his mind because it was clear I have cancer. Brad already knows that I feel strongly that if in doubt the breast is gone! Therefore even if by the odd chance it was all hyperplasia I would personally settle for nothing less than a mastectomy. My stress level was going up exponentially.
At the repeat mammo the tech could sense my frustrations. She was a sweetheart! I began to vent to her and she assured me this is standard practice to repeat everything with this doctor. She then shared her personal story. She was super supportive to my way of thinking but of course could only share her personal story not her opinions. She took the views he ordered then came and said the radiologist wanted more views to "see just how involved this all is." That told me he saw what my radiologist saw, diffuse calcifications as well.
Our third and last meeting with the surgeon for the day. He showed us the films. The extra magnification had me lost. I could not even see my original areas without him pointing them out, and I couldn't see the calcifications at all. Brad couldn't see any of it even when it was pointed out. Very perplexing when my original films were so clear to me. Now he jumped back to mastectomy as my plan confirming the two areas of duct in question and the calcifications. OK, cool! But, he still wanted to review pathology and likely repeat the biopsy. At this point Brad was getting upset. That's when he kicked back and said to me "When we get home can you explain this in layman's terms so I understand it?" I said sure and the Dr. jumped right in and offered to go over it again. My husband in all his witt stated, "I am a construction engineer. I build bridges I don't do boobs!" That was the moment of laughter I needed! By the time we left the office he was repeating everything except the biopsy. I opted to not agree to that or even discuss my thoughts until I slept on it and was feeling less frustrated.
Brad and I both just weren't sure. We liked the guy but it seemed if he had just come into the office and been straight up by explaining that it is his policy to repeat everything with his equipment and with the assistance of his partners it would have been much more honest and less confusing. To take it so far as to say he doesn't want to remove a non-cancerous breast and in fact he needs to know I have cancer did nothing but upset us both.
Now it was time to focus on the positive aspects.
1. He worked us in quickly over his lunch hour which originally helped decrease our stress level
2. He got me in for the mammo while I was there so as not to make a second trip
3. He was very thorough and we could appreciate that
4. We liked how everything was right on campus and so easy to access etc.
Time to take a break and step back before making a decision.
After recieving my results I was home by 4:30 so decided to jump in with both feet. Just before closing Thurs. I reached the surgeon's office. This fella came highly recommended by family and friends so we thought we would begin that part of my journey by heading South. We were amazed that he agreed to see us over his lunch hour today!
As you read this please remember I am a nurse. My background is 18 years of critical care and about three years in longterm care with some homecare mixed in. I think like a nurse and have many experiences dealing with doctors in a wide variety of situations. I also have had 5 major surgeries myself along with several minor ones. I have had multiple family members critically and chronically ill who I have cared for and followed through serious illness and even rehab. I am not new to how the medical profession operates.Therefore I think more critically about these things when weighing my options.
First was our meet and greet and my physical exam. Next came his review of my records. We were impressed to this point.Very compassionate and thorough, not in a hurry. Next he started through my records one at a time.
1. Mammogram-he stated he wanted to repeat mine because he wanted more magnification in the views. I have had sooo many views up to this point I did not feel the need, expecially since I had seen mine and it seemed very clear to me untrained in that area, however I realized he would be looking much more critically than I so we agreed to that.
2. He wanted an MRI. Good deal! I was told to expect that and I wouldn't have it any other way. This was just more confirmation but also would look at the other breast in a different way.
3. He reviewed my biopsy results/pathology report. This was where I began to question. He read them and told us that he was not convinced I had DCIS. I was speechless. My radiologist prepped me for the news with just the mammo but explained obviously it was not definitive until a biopsy was optained. My general surgeon had reviewed the films and confirmed, and the biopsy was straight forward. He lost Brad here. From now and for the next two hours my husband was thinking there was some hope I didn't have cancer but rather the atypical hyperplasia cells. The Dr. further explained that if that was the case I would just need oral chemo and radiation. Hmmm. I just continued to listen.
4. More on the pathology report. He wanted to actually have his pathologist view the slides and give his opinion. We didn't have a big problem with that as it was a second opinion but again it didn't really seem necessary.
5. The biopsy itself- He said he was pretty sure he would even like to repeat the biopsy. He then further explained his entire rationale. He said that there have been mastectomies when there was no cancer and that he just told a woman who thought she had cancer that she didn't.
If there is one thing any medical professional knows it is do everything with the utmost care, be on your toes so as not to make mistakes, and triple check everything!!! And sometimes, because we are all human, mistakes still get made. For now I decided to go to the repeat mammo and get theMRI and think on the rest. The really stressful part was trying to explain to my husband to put most of what he had just heard out of his mind because it was clear I have cancer. Brad already knows that I feel strongly that if in doubt the breast is gone! Therefore even if by the odd chance it was all hyperplasia I would personally settle for nothing less than a mastectomy. My stress level was going up exponentially.
At the repeat mammo the tech could sense my frustrations. She was a sweetheart! I began to vent to her and she assured me this is standard practice to repeat everything with this doctor. She then shared her personal story. She was super supportive to my way of thinking but of course could only share her personal story not her opinions. She took the views he ordered then came and said the radiologist wanted more views to "see just how involved this all is." That told me he saw what my radiologist saw, diffuse calcifications as well.
Our third and last meeting with the surgeon for the day. He showed us the films. The extra magnification had me lost. I could not even see my original areas without him pointing them out, and I couldn't see the calcifications at all. Brad couldn't see any of it even when it was pointed out. Very perplexing when my original films were so clear to me. Now he jumped back to mastectomy as my plan confirming the two areas of duct in question and the calcifications. OK, cool! But, he still wanted to review pathology and likely repeat the biopsy. At this point Brad was getting upset. That's when he kicked back and said to me "When we get home can you explain this in layman's terms so I understand it?" I said sure and the Dr. jumped right in and offered to go over it again. My husband in all his witt stated, "I am a construction engineer. I build bridges I don't do boobs!" That was the moment of laughter I needed! By the time we left the office he was repeating everything except the biopsy. I opted to not agree to that or even discuss my thoughts until I slept on it and was feeling less frustrated.
Brad and I both just weren't sure. We liked the guy but it seemed if he had just come into the office and been straight up by explaining that it is his policy to repeat everything with his equipment and with the assistance of his partners it would have been much more honest and less confusing. To take it so far as to say he doesn't want to remove a non-cancerous breast and in fact he needs to know I have cancer did nothing but upset us both.
Now it was time to focus on the positive aspects.
1. He worked us in quickly over his lunch hour which originally helped decrease our stress level
2. He got me in for the mammo while I was there so as not to make a second trip
3. He was very thorough and we could appreciate that
4. We liked how everything was right on campus and so easy to access etc.
Time to take a break and step back before making a decision.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
February 16, 2012
Wednesday I had worked two jobs totaling 18 hours. I had just gotten out of bed when the call came in. It was the breast center calling saying the pathology report was back and I needed be there in 1 hour and 15 min. Just enough time for me to hop in the shower and make it in time. I asked no questions. The fact the results were not given over the phone and that there was urgency prepared me for what to expect.
I really didn't have time to round up anyone to go with me. The drive there allowed me time for a good cry and just enough time to regroup and be clear headed when I met with the radiologist. She confirmed that I had DCIS-ductal carcinoma in-situ. She patted my hand and I told her it was OK, I already knew. First was the good news-ductal cancers are contained within the milk duct and generally are non-invasive. Also Estrogen/Progesterone receptors were checked and 100% of my tumor cells showed strong positives for immunoreactivity for these receptors. In English that means that I was identified as a patient that may respond to hormone therapy. Also that typically these pateints experience longer periods cancer free and longer survival rates. Great news!!!
The rest of the information was more concerning. All of my core biopsies were positive for cancer and the surrounding tissue obtained exhibited atypical ductal hyperplasia. Cells change and mutate over time. Atypical cells means they are not cancer but they are in the process of becoming abnormal and likely to become cancer. Next she went on to say that there were other areas of calcification on my mammogram that were not biopsied which were concerning. She prepared me to be thinking mastectomy. We had briefly discussed this in our last meeting. Every woman is differnt but my personal belief is that lumpectomy is not for me. I was OK with thinking mastectomy-removal of the entire breast. Of course my next question was what about an MRI to further evaluate the other breast? I have been told more than once that typically MRI is not the first line diagnostic tool, mammogram is. The reason being MRI has a high rate of false positives. However, once a mammogram and/ or biopsy reveals an area of concern MRI is the next step. We discussed which surgeon I wanted and some other details and then I headed home.
So what is a girl to do when she's all alone, she's just heard the dreaded words "You have cancer" and she has to go home and tell her family? Well... my answer was to hide behind my sunglasses, have a good cry, and of course crank up Def Leppard loud enough to almost blow out my Bose speakers!!! And that's exactly what I did!!!
Once my family was all home my sister arrived. And as any good sister would do she had a full bottle of wine! I reviewed everything and we cried a little and polished off the wine. Both of our children had good distractions that evening. Kinsey's boyfriend unfortunately was in the hospital so she left to be with him. Brody's girlfriend was here because they had a soccer game that evening. They then had each other. Brad and I decided to get a ride for the kids to the game and go to my Dad's to tell the rest of my family the results. While we were there came the final blow. My sister called crying. She had opened her mail and was notified her mammogram was abnormal and she needed follow-up. That was the final straw. I told Brad I could handle me having cancer but I couldn't handle both of us going through it. I lost it on the way home!
Friday, February 17, 2012
Since I was expecting not to get my results until today I had planned ahead and scheduled a much needed massage. I don't know if anyone else has every experienced this but more than once after a mammogram I have had pain in my chest wall. Doctors and technologists are unable to answer why but one time it lasted months. They actually did further testing. This time, after my biopsy, I had that pain and a pain in my shoulder. The massage did the trick and relaxed all of that at least temporarily. While there I got a message from my sis. There was a cancellation so she was getting a mammo that afternoon. Perfect! I had to go back to the breast center for my records anyway so I met her there. What was to be a one hour test turned into three hours. The news was worth the wait-just cysts, follow up in 6 months! WHEW!!!! Answered prayers there!
Wednesday I had worked two jobs totaling 18 hours. I had just gotten out of bed when the call came in. It was the breast center calling saying the pathology report was back and I needed be there in 1 hour and 15 min. Just enough time for me to hop in the shower and make it in time. I asked no questions. The fact the results were not given over the phone and that there was urgency prepared me for what to expect.
I really didn't have time to round up anyone to go with me. The drive there allowed me time for a good cry and just enough time to regroup and be clear headed when I met with the radiologist. She confirmed that I had DCIS-ductal carcinoma in-situ. She patted my hand and I told her it was OK, I already knew. First was the good news-ductal cancers are contained within the milk duct and generally are non-invasive. Also Estrogen/Progesterone receptors were checked and 100% of my tumor cells showed strong positives for immunoreactivity for these receptors. In English that means that I was identified as a patient that may respond to hormone therapy. Also that typically these pateints experience longer periods cancer free and longer survival rates. Great news!!!
The rest of the information was more concerning. All of my core biopsies were positive for cancer and the surrounding tissue obtained exhibited atypical ductal hyperplasia. Cells change and mutate over time. Atypical cells means they are not cancer but they are in the process of becoming abnormal and likely to become cancer. Next she went on to say that there were other areas of calcification on my mammogram that were not biopsied which were concerning. She prepared me to be thinking mastectomy. We had briefly discussed this in our last meeting. Every woman is differnt but my personal belief is that lumpectomy is not for me. I was OK with thinking mastectomy-removal of the entire breast. Of course my next question was what about an MRI to further evaluate the other breast? I have been told more than once that typically MRI is not the first line diagnostic tool, mammogram is. The reason being MRI has a high rate of false positives. However, once a mammogram and/ or biopsy reveals an area of concern MRI is the next step. We discussed which surgeon I wanted and some other details and then I headed home.
So what is a girl to do when she's all alone, she's just heard the dreaded words "You have cancer" and she has to go home and tell her family? Well... my answer was to hide behind my sunglasses, have a good cry, and of course crank up Def Leppard loud enough to almost blow out my Bose speakers!!! And that's exactly what I did!!!
Once my family was all home my sister arrived. And as any good sister would do she had a full bottle of wine! I reviewed everything and we cried a little and polished off the wine. Both of our children had good distractions that evening. Kinsey's boyfriend unfortunately was in the hospital so she left to be with him. Brody's girlfriend was here because they had a soccer game that evening. They then had each other. Brad and I decided to get a ride for the kids to the game and go to my Dad's to tell the rest of my family the results. While we were there came the final blow. My sister called crying. She had opened her mail and was notified her mammogram was abnormal and she needed follow-up. That was the final straw. I told Brad I could handle me having cancer but I couldn't handle both of us going through it. I lost it on the way home!
Friday, February 17, 2012
Since I was expecting not to get my results until today I had planned ahead and scheduled a much needed massage. I don't know if anyone else has every experienced this but more than once after a mammogram I have had pain in my chest wall. Doctors and technologists are unable to answer why but one time it lasted months. They actually did further testing. This time, after my biopsy, I had that pain and a pain in my shoulder. The massage did the trick and relaxed all of that at least temporarily. While there I got a message from my sis. There was a cancellation so she was getting a mammo that afternoon. Perfect! I had to go back to the breast center for my records anyway so I met her there. What was to be a one hour test turned into three hours. The news was worth the wait-just cysts, follow up in 6 months! WHEW!!!! Answered prayers there!
Monday, February 20, 2012
Thank you for joining me on my journey! It has only just begun and I have no idea how, when, or where it will end. It is my hope that by sharing my personal experiences it will offer encouragement to others faced with adversity. If just one of you is motivated to book your yearly exam or get that annual mammogram I have done some good. Please know that these are my personal experiences. Every woman's diagnosis is very individualized and different. I am not giving medical advice, not suggesting treatment choices, and not recommending facilities or physicians. I believe to overcome an obstacle it sometimes takes a team effort and the support I have already recieved has been amazing! The support is important but even more so is the power of prayer. My only request is that as you follow me and my family on this journey that you also keep us in your prayers!
Monday, January 23, 2012
The day started like any other Monday. I did laundry, emptied the dishwasher, answered messages etc. I received a text stating our female basketball coach noticed I hadn't ordered a breast cancer T-shirt for the fundraiser game that was happening the next night. She was offering me an extra she had. I was thrilled she realized I had forgotten to order so spoke for the extra. Our Lady Bison were raising money for breast cancer awarenes and also honoring a player's mother who is currently fighting the fight. Tuesday was going to be an emotional evening!
In the afternoon I arrived at the local breast center for that nagging annual mammogram. I told my Face Book friends that I had a "pressing engagement" and I reminded all my female friends to get their mammograms scheduled as they save lives! After a 45 min wait it was my turn. In past years extra views and even ultrasound evaluation became standard procedure for me as there was a cyst in my right breast that was being monitored. I was finished with the every 6 month mammo routine and was back on the yearly diagnostic schedule. Needless to say when they called me back for extra views I was not alarmed. It was the third time they requested views that I realized something wasn't right. The radiologist spoke with me and clarified that the cyst in the right was stable, no worries. It was the abnormal finding in the left breast that was sending up a red flag.
After comparing my prior films to the present views she explained the "red flag" as she called it. There were two areas in question, the formations of which were highly suggestive of ductal cell carcinoma. She informed me a biopsy was needed to rule out cancer. I was a little taken aback but not yet alarmed. When she began explaining possible treatment options prior to a biopsy I knew she was relatively certain this was cancer. That's when my head started spinning. A new area, in the other breast not the one that had been so closely monitored, visible to my untrained eye, and in a suspicious formation-lots of cause for concern. Next I had to consider that I was scheduled to have my gallbladder out in three days!
My first question was could the biopsy be done at the same time as my surgery? My surgeon was next door so she immediately consulted him. He said it would be too much on my body so I needed surgery, to heal for 2-3 weeks, then to have the biopsy. Because I was so symptomatic, and because I had lost 6 pounds, I decided I needed to move forward with gallbladder surgery as planned. Should I get bad news from the biopsy I would need to be able to eat properly and feel well before undergoing more treatment for another issue. This proved to be a smart choice.
The radiologist was very caring and supportive and proceded to explain what to expect at my next appointment- a stereotactic core biopsy. It was scheduled for Monday, February 13.
My mind was racing. When would my family all be together that I could tell them what was up, should I make this information public, what were my thoughts should this be positive, and of course... what the heck was I going to do for three weeks to keep my mind busy???
When I got home my family was rattled. I had changed their plans to call a family meeting. While I waited for everyone to arrive I went through the mail. Hmmm my annual American Cancer Society pledge was staring at me. I got chills! Then I remembered the prior T-shirt conversation. Oh boy! I summoned my husband, both children and my sister, who is my healthcare representative, to tell them what I had learned. I shed a few tears and started moving forward with my plans to keep busy. My sister wanted to know if she should make ribbons with my name on them for the fundraiser the following night. I felt that wasn't needed as I didn't even know if I had cancer, but we did decide to share the news. My thought always immediately goes to the power of prayer. If my friends and family could be praying for me for three whole weeks then surely that would give me strength for whatever I might be facing.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Our Lady Bison showed their support for breast cancer victims by wearing pink headbands, pink and white socks, and by taking up donations thru the crowd. The moms and some teachers had a lovely table set up where ribbons could be obtained for a donation. Balloons decorated the gym balcony and there were bake sale items. Poster boards were available to write names of those who lost the battle as well as those currenlty fighting it. It was a very emotional evening for our player and her family as well as for me. She knew her diagnosis, I was still waiting. The girls raised over $2000 for the cause! The evening was a success!
Thursday, January 26, 2012
The day for my gallbladder surgery had finally arrived. I couldn't wait to have it behind me but especially since I had bigger concerns down the road. I love my surgeon. He told me he saw my mammogram and that it could be cancer but it wasn't life threatening so to take one thing at a time. He even prayed with me before surgery. So awesome! That was now behind me and I was on the road to recovery.
Time passed and I kept exceptionally busy. I did some research but just didn't want to overdo or stress over it as I really didn't yet have a diagnosis.However I will be honest and say that I was just sure it was cancer. It was so strange. I couldn't even pray about it myself because that meant I was thinking about it and I just didn't even want to until I had answers. No worries though, family and friends had prayers going up all around the country!
February 13, 2012
The day had finally arrived. I was at the center by 7:45 and within15 min we had hit a roadblock. Due to another health issue the Dr. wanted me to be pre-medicated with an antibiotic. Her staff had missed that on my paperwork. She assured me that I had waited long enough and she would perform the procedure that day but not until 1pm. Five more hours of waiting! I got the antibiotic, did some shopping, had lunch and returned.
The whole process is rather uncomfortable. The patient is positioned on a table on their abdomen face down. There is an opening in the table that the breast fits through. Then the table is raised and the staff actually work under you. (There is another option in which the patient stands and places their breast in the opening. The horizontal table proved better for me) It is imperative you remain motionless, only breathing is allowed in order to identify the proper co-ordinates and isolate the biopsy area. The breast is numbed and compression added. Next a small incision was made and a large bore needle quickly punched out tissue injecting more numbing agent at the same time. I did my part, got a little nauseated but regrouped. After prepping, numbing, and even inserting the needle the machine stopped taking photos. They tried trouble shooting to no avail. We had to stop everything and I had to go wait in a room until the problem was solved. A loose connection, this had never happened before! So we started completly over.
Finally all the pictures were taken and several biopsies were collected. A titanium marker was placed at the area where the biopsy was obtained so it could be used as future reference. Next I had to have another mammogram on the freshly biopsied breast to make sure they could identify that marker. Finally I was done! They put me in a room with feet elevated and cool cloth on my head because after all of this I was about ready to pass out. It was just too much for one day! Now started the wait I had really dreaded. The radiologist was hoping for results by Fri but said it could possibly be Monday. I kept reminding myself patience is a virtue!!!
Monday, January 23, 2012
The day started like any other Monday. I did laundry, emptied the dishwasher, answered messages etc. I received a text stating our female basketball coach noticed I hadn't ordered a breast cancer T-shirt for the fundraiser game that was happening the next night. She was offering me an extra she had. I was thrilled she realized I had forgotten to order so spoke for the extra. Our Lady Bison were raising money for breast cancer awarenes and also honoring a player's mother who is currently fighting the fight. Tuesday was going to be an emotional evening!
In the afternoon I arrived at the local breast center for that nagging annual mammogram. I told my Face Book friends that I had a "pressing engagement" and I reminded all my female friends to get their mammograms scheduled as they save lives! After a 45 min wait it was my turn. In past years extra views and even ultrasound evaluation became standard procedure for me as there was a cyst in my right breast that was being monitored. I was finished with the every 6 month mammo routine and was back on the yearly diagnostic schedule. Needless to say when they called me back for extra views I was not alarmed. It was the third time they requested views that I realized something wasn't right. The radiologist spoke with me and clarified that the cyst in the right was stable, no worries. It was the abnormal finding in the left breast that was sending up a red flag.
After comparing my prior films to the present views she explained the "red flag" as she called it. There were two areas in question, the formations of which were highly suggestive of ductal cell carcinoma. She informed me a biopsy was needed to rule out cancer. I was a little taken aback but not yet alarmed. When she began explaining possible treatment options prior to a biopsy I knew she was relatively certain this was cancer. That's when my head started spinning. A new area, in the other breast not the one that had been so closely monitored, visible to my untrained eye, and in a suspicious formation-lots of cause for concern. Next I had to consider that I was scheduled to have my gallbladder out in three days!
My first question was could the biopsy be done at the same time as my surgery? My surgeon was next door so she immediately consulted him. He said it would be too much on my body so I needed surgery, to heal for 2-3 weeks, then to have the biopsy. Because I was so symptomatic, and because I had lost 6 pounds, I decided I needed to move forward with gallbladder surgery as planned. Should I get bad news from the biopsy I would need to be able to eat properly and feel well before undergoing more treatment for another issue. This proved to be a smart choice.
The radiologist was very caring and supportive and proceded to explain what to expect at my next appointment- a stereotactic core biopsy. It was scheduled for Monday, February 13.
My mind was racing. When would my family all be together that I could tell them what was up, should I make this information public, what were my thoughts should this be positive, and of course... what the heck was I going to do for three weeks to keep my mind busy???
When I got home my family was rattled. I had changed their plans to call a family meeting. While I waited for everyone to arrive I went through the mail. Hmmm my annual American Cancer Society pledge was staring at me. I got chills! Then I remembered the prior T-shirt conversation. Oh boy! I summoned my husband, both children and my sister, who is my healthcare representative, to tell them what I had learned. I shed a few tears and started moving forward with my plans to keep busy. My sister wanted to know if she should make ribbons with my name on them for the fundraiser the following night. I felt that wasn't needed as I didn't even know if I had cancer, but we did decide to share the news. My thought always immediately goes to the power of prayer. If my friends and family could be praying for me for three whole weeks then surely that would give me strength for whatever I might be facing.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Our Lady Bison showed their support for breast cancer victims by wearing pink headbands, pink and white socks, and by taking up donations thru the crowd. The moms and some teachers had a lovely table set up where ribbons could be obtained for a donation. Balloons decorated the gym balcony and there were bake sale items. Poster boards were available to write names of those who lost the battle as well as those currenlty fighting it. It was a very emotional evening for our player and her family as well as for me. She knew her diagnosis, I was still waiting. The girls raised over $2000 for the cause! The evening was a success!
Thursday, January 26, 2012
The day for my gallbladder surgery had finally arrived. I couldn't wait to have it behind me but especially since I had bigger concerns down the road. I love my surgeon. He told me he saw my mammogram and that it could be cancer but it wasn't life threatening so to take one thing at a time. He even prayed with me before surgery. So awesome! That was now behind me and I was on the road to recovery.
Time passed and I kept exceptionally busy. I did some research but just didn't want to overdo or stress over it as I really didn't yet have a diagnosis.However I will be honest and say that I was just sure it was cancer. It was so strange. I couldn't even pray about it myself because that meant I was thinking about it and I just didn't even want to until I had answers. No worries though, family and friends had prayers going up all around the country!
February 13, 2012
The day had finally arrived. I was at the center by 7:45 and within15 min we had hit a roadblock. Due to another health issue the Dr. wanted me to be pre-medicated with an antibiotic. Her staff had missed that on my paperwork. She assured me that I had waited long enough and she would perform the procedure that day but not until 1pm. Five more hours of waiting! I got the antibiotic, did some shopping, had lunch and returned.
The whole process is rather uncomfortable. The patient is positioned on a table on their abdomen face down. There is an opening in the table that the breast fits through. Then the table is raised and the staff actually work under you. (There is another option in which the patient stands and places their breast in the opening. The horizontal table proved better for me) It is imperative you remain motionless, only breathing is allowed in order to identify the proper co-ordinates and isolate the biopsy area. The breast is numbed and compression added. Next a small incision was made and a large bore needle quickly punched out tissue injecting more numbing agent at the same time. I did my part, got a little nauseated but regrouped. After prepping, numbing, and even inserting the needle the machine stopped taking photos. They tried trouble shooting to no avail. We had to stop everything and I had to go wait in a room until the problem was solved. A loose connection, this had never happened before! So we started completly over.
Finally all the pictures were taken and several biopsies were collected. A titanium marker was placed at the area where the biopsy was obtained so it could be used as future reference. Next I had to have another mammogram on the freshly biopsied breast to make sure they could identify that marker. Finally I was done! They put me in a room with feet elevated and cool cloth on my head because after all of this I was about ready to pass out. It was just too much for one day! Now started the wait I had really dreaded. The radiologist was hoping for results by Fri but said it could possibly be Monday. I kept reminding myself patience is a virtue!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)