Through Thick and Thin

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

For what started out as a dreary rainy day that had me completely stressed out it certainly ended up being most pleasant. Once again answered prayers!

Spent the day today with a dear family member who was having a full breast work up. Of course we were on pins and needles. I literally was in tears after my shower worrying for her. It probably doesn't sound very believable but I was more stressed for her than I was for me. As I explained to her I went in for routine testing and got the news which was 99% confirmed right then. She was having problems and was sent for a work up by her doctor so there was time in between to worry. Also she has had so many health issues that I just couldn't stand the thought of her having  any more. After two hours of testing she got preliminary good news!  They do want her to see one more doctor just to 100% cover all the bases. Oh what a relief!

My appointment was next and more good news...I got my drains out after 5 weeks!  My totals really were still very debatable hanging right near the 30cc range but since they have been in so long and because of my concerns with an odor that developed in one my plastic surgeon and I agreed that it was time. Although less output than this resulted in more drains and aspirations last time he is hoping that since I don't have empty space but expanders that they will help encourage my body to reabsorb any extra fluid accumulation. Actually, if I have fluid, unless it causes problems, he will not even address it saying that it will simply expand me naturally. The plan is to return next week for my first fill. He will start with 60cc and if I am game he will immediately add another 60 for a 120 total. I could feel my eyes get big and he smiled and his nurse was about to laugh at my eyes. He expects to do 60-120 each week for about 5 weeks depending on how much I tolerate each week. If I tolerate the 120 then of course it will take fewer weeks to reach our goal. After that I will rest for 8 weeks to fully stretch and then the exchange of expanders for implants will follow. Probably not looking at doing that surgery until January if all goes as planned.

I did ask about the difference in size between my right and left chest explaining that I know this is no where near the final product and that I assumed it was just the way the expanders settled in. I was cracking up when he said that at this point he isn't at all concerned about visual size but that they feel the same and he held his hands up to my chest....well gee, much like my husband has done. I was cracking up!

After our appointments we ran some errands and enjoyed visiting and catching up. Once the stressful stuff was behind us we had a most enjoyable afternoon and the sun even came out!

I was so hoping that I could actually sleep in my own bed. I gave it a whirl but unfortunately even without drains it was still too uncomfortable. It's just hard to make a nest with these rock hard expanders. Then you factor in Brad snoring, coughing and speaking in tongues it was a lost cause. When he blurted out "Molly is running around!" Molly being our dog who was peacefully sleeping at the foot of the bed, I called it quits and headed back to the lazy boy. Of course all he remembers is coughing! LOL


Friday, October 19, 2012

Friday, October 19, 2012

For a week of Mondays there have been some pretty good things!  Sunday we celebrated Brody's 17th birthday in a simple fashion with his favorite dinner and a neat soccer cake.It was so nice to have a family meal just the four of us for a change. His actual birthday was yesterday but he it was football sectional dinner where they had fillet mignon-rough life! Tuesday was a lovely soccer banquet to wind down the season. Brody was asked to lead the boys in prayer before the meal and then at the end the boys asked him to lead them in their Benton Central chant one last time for the season.


Somehow when things turn crummy something always comes along to make it better. My mother-in-law surprised me with this gorgeous blanket she made for me. The funny thing is I have learned so much from networking with women. Added a new word to my vocabulary-"FOOB"  You know, fake boob!  Anyway these women tell me they can be very cold in the winter. So I had to laugh when I got the blanket. My hands, feet, and nose get absolutely so freezing due to poor circulation that I have to take medicine. Now if I have ice cold boobs that will just be peachy!  The blanket will come in very handy!!!! If you look closely my step-mom brought me a beautiful breast cancer bracelet. Such awesome surprises!


This adorable bra card arrived in the mail with a Victoria Secret gift card. It said...Girlfriends are like a good bra-always there to lift you up! I just have to share with you what my friend wrote.


Ms.Kim-
During this month where we celebrate and honor breast cancer survivors I want to celebrate you!  I'm so grateful to get the honor of doing life with you and so inspired by your strength and jouney.  I am praying your surgeries go well and the road to a "new" rockin' set of ta-tas is smooth!  You are truly beautiful inside and out!  To celebrate your new beginning I'd love to be a part of a New Sexy bra!!! Go treat yourself to something scandalous girl-you deserve it!  Celebrating you all month long.

Oh Ms Courtney you do know how to "lift" a girl's spirits!  Thank you all for helping make my lousy week a bit more tolerable. I must say sometimes it's good to be the "Queen"!

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Been a rough week around here. Every day has seemed like Monday, two maybe three doctor appointments before week's end and Molly's allergies are out of control. She looks like the dog from Little Rascals because she is loosing hair around one eye. Poor baby.

Saw my oncologist yesterday for my six month follow-up.  She wanted to examine my reconstruction progress. As I took my jacket off I told her I still had drains. She flipped out at my discovery!  As I mentioned Columbia fleece and some jogging suits have pockets open on the inside. It's a much more stylish way to carry your drains around than in a fanny pack or pinned under your shirt and it's  less bulky than wearing the cami's made to hold them. She kept checking out my jacket and out of the blue said "If you blogged you would have to share this!"  I was cracking up and said, "As a matter of fact I do and I did!"  She then asked about blogging and said she felt it was likely a very empowering and therapeutic thing to do. That's when I explained that I was inspired by a good friend and that I so appreciate other women sharing their stories that I had to share mine and try to help others. She was soooo incredibly positive about it all. Anyway once we got past that all looked good and I got the all clear to come back in 6 months.

While waiting the gal who tracked me down at the plastic surgeon awhile back was leaving. Funny how regularly some of us cross paths. She sat and visited and I told her I was not able to find the group she told me to join on Facebook. Together we got it figured out. I will be hooked. Talk about amazing women! Most of them tested positive for one of the BRCA genes. A great deal have family members who have had female cancers so these women are doing extreme prophylactic surgeries to prevent cancer-complete hysterectomies and bilateral mastectomies most without ever having cancer yet themselves. I will learns tons from them especially in regards to reconstruction!

While on that subject I will share information hanging in my doctor's office on that very topic. If you want even more info the number to call is 1-866-BRAC-NOW. Sorry I forgot to write down what group provided this info so we will just say my oncologist. I like to at least mention where I get things I post.

BRAC testing is suggested for women:
-having breast cancer before 45
-if you have two or more relatives with breast cancer
-having a male in your family with breast cancer
-if you have had cancer in both breasts or twice in the same breast
-if you are of Jewish descent
-if there is ovarian cancer at any age

This testing is really a big deal!  It's very traumatic to learn you carry the gene and just as traumatic to learn that your loved ones carry one or both of the genes. Should you be a candidate your doctor or their staff has to provide you with information and do some counseling with you before they will even draw your blood. My doctor's office was wonderful explaining it to me!

So late last night when I was suffering profound insomnia (last time I looked at the clock it was 3:40am) I emptied my drains. The one on the right had a noticeable odor. GRRRR! The insert site still looks fine and the oncologist checked out the insert sites thoroughly yesterday as did my plastic surgeon on Tues. I went ahead and called the office. Told them I was going to call to reschedule for next week as my outputs are consistently 30cc per side but I wanted to report the odor. I understand that these have been in a month and nastiness, for lack of a better word, collects inside the bulb of the drain. I am truly hoping it's just that that is causing the odor. She will report that to the doctor and call me if he wants to change anything otherwise see him next Tues. She was relatively certain it's nothing to worry about. For now sitting tight keeping my fingers crossed!


Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Back to the Dr. today after he was out for a week. Holding steady with drainage hovering in 30's. I could tell he was seriously considering pulling them as he looked over my log although he didn't say anything other than running the totals in his head.  I was blatantly honest and told him I was not at all comfortable with them coming out right now, that I wasn't trying to be difficult but clearly pulling them at what works well for "normal" women didn't work out so well for me the last time. I explained that although I was quite ready to be free of them I would rather they stay so they don't have to go back in or so I don't have to be aspirated every few days. He was very understanding and said that my being a nurse really helps and that he was fine with that. So we revert to the prior plan-see him Friday if I think they can come out otherwise call and reschedule for next week. Otherwise he was very impressed with my progress and said it all looked wonderful. My stitches are dissolving very well and the incisions look great!

I stopped by work and spoke with my boss. They are anxious for me to come back so for sure I will go in at the end of the month to help with our big paperwork changeover. I am looking forward to that!  Got some hugs and well wishes and headed back home.

Yesterday Kinsey and I had a great time participating in a promotional my cousin was having in her photography business. There is a program called I Picture Hope where photographers and sometimes make up artists and hairdressers also participate. A free photo session is offered to women that have battled breast cancer. After being treated to a professional make over we packed all our breast cancer clothing and headed to the studio for a fun photo shoot. I can't wait to see how the pictures turn out!!!

Now that it's been 10 months into my journey people are asking more questions. It's funny because it's obvious many want to ask but may be too embarrassed or maybe feel they are being too bold. There really have not been any questions that have offended me or made me feel uncomfortable. It's sort of like how talking about your pregnancy and labor and delivery used to be unheard of in public now many women openly share, I feel the same way with this. If women had not shared their experiences with me it would be a much more difficult road to travel.

Kinsey's boyfriend said he didn't know if he should ask but wanted to know if this surgery had provided any visible shape at this point and what was the next step. It completely depends what I wear whether you can see if there is shape. Because I have been wearing layers to conceal my drains it is difficult to tell. When I took my fleece jacket off and had just one layer he could see there was in fact something there!  We were cracking up! I'm just glad he is comfortable enough to ask if it's on his mind. Then I got a text from a family member asking when I "get my new boobs put in" and of course the conversation took a funny turn from there. The focus was on what do the expanders actually feel like. My response was just about hard as rocks but the "real" fake ones are supposed to feel much more natural. For those of you who have had children the best description is that I feel almost constantly like I am engorged and often get that intense tingling feeling that you get when your milk lets down. It's uncomfortable but tolerable. Sometimes I still have episodes of significant pain but usually it doesn't last long.

While at the mall this weekend we ran into "Bubbles." She looked absolutely beautiful!  She looked amazing and was just as happy-go-lucky as ever. It's hard to believe she has been through so much when you look at her. It was great to see her feeling well enough to be out and about!

Tomorrow it's off to the oncologist for my 6 month follow up. Don't expect to learn anything there but will be glad to have it behind me as well.


Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Drains drains go away!  Have had quite a bit of discomfort from these  little devils last night and today. Tomorrow will be three weeks with them at my side but I know that it's so much better for them to stay in and get the job done than to take them out too soon. Drainage is slowly decreasing but I am not at all comfortable pulling them at 30cc or less like he tells me, and I am hovering 30-40cc. Guess I'm just a rebel like that!  LOL I am going to be as cautious as possible.

Fatigue is still bothering me too. Really think a lot of that is not being able to get a good nights sleep in my own bed. When I sleep in the chair I usually wake up at least once and usually more during the night. I have been doing small amounts on the treadmill to help build up my stamina. Am up to a mile which isn't a lot but it feels really good. When I walk on it I don't have to swing my arms back and forth over the drains I can hold on and keep them still so that makes a big difference in comfort as compared to walking outside.

I must say Brad likes the new look, if anyone was wondering! Ha ha  Slowly but surely people are getting brave enough to ask how large I plan to go. It's funny because they all tell me their husbands are dying to know!  MEN!  :)  My plan is same size as I was or close to it. I have heard the phrase more than once "Go big or go home!"  I just want to consider that that is a lot of weight to be carrying around. The good news is that I have the cadaver grafts to help support the implants once they are placed. Not all women have those. That should help a lot.

Been trying to catch up with friends and family dealing with cancer-one enduring chemo for uterine cancer, one just received her last fill and will be scheduling surgery to place her implants soon, and then Bubbles.
That poor dear has been through it, just one thing after another-allergic reaction to something, weird pain landing her in the hospital for two days, neuropathies (damage to nerve endings especially in the extremities) in her hands and feet causing itching and pain. She is such a trooper and so stinking positive!  She is my hero!!! I continue to pray for all those I know fighting any type of cancer. We are a sisterhood of survivors and we will prevail!!!

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Sunday, October 7, 2012

I pushed myself to attend 5 games this week. Kinsey came home to babysit her little cousins and they spent the night last night. They were so good and always add some live entertainment around here! But I must say that I am absolutely beat!  I decided that when the baby napped that was my excuse to nap too. Later I took another nap. It's been a cold lazy kind of day for Brad and I. Now I'm gearing up to go hang with the girls for a bit for some appetizers and a movie. That should be just what I need to wind back down for a good night's sleep.

Overall I fell good, just the fatigue factor still. The drains are still behaving themselves but it is hard to find clothes to wear to conceal them. I feel like I am wearing the same things over and over-well because I am! :)
He told me to increase my activity as tolerated and did not give me lifting restrictions. I have run the sweeper this week, mopped the floor and didn't really have any issues holding the four month old for short periods of time. I will say that mopping was a challenge because you apply pressure and back and forth arm motion. I had to do that small areas at a time and take breaks but I was not sore afterwards, just some pain at the time. It's so good to feel like more than a couch potato. Ahhh!
Friday, October 5, 2012

Thursday a dear old friend treated me to lunch and beautiful pink flowers. We visited for over two hours and probably could have sat there all day. So nice to catch up and not be in a hurry.

Today I met a friend from church for lunch. I've mentioned her before as she is battling melanoma. She is doing well and is back to work even while taking weekly treatments. I admire her strength to keep on keeping on even though she gets really worn out. We had a lovely visit. One topic we discussed was some of the walks going on to raise money and awareness for cancer. I told her I particularly liked the idea of the local Carry the Torch walk that just happened. It raises money to help cancer patients with miscellaneous bills, transportation, etc. Sounds like a wonderful program. I told her I particularly was interested because it isn't specific to any certain kind of cancer. She commented how it's breast cancer awareness month and sometimes she thinks, "Where is my day for melanoma?"  I couldn't agree with her more!  The support I feel by just going out in the community and seeing all the pink really helps to lift your spirits! I am sure I would feel the same way!

We ate at Panera and the ordering counter was decked out in pink, a counter was set up with free information, pink balloons were tied outside. Downtown they lit the local bridge with pink lights and turned the fountains pink. Pink ribbon clothing and accessories are available in stores all over town. Our high school had a breast cancer volleyball game and does the same for basketball. Our football players had on quite a bit of pink and professional teams are doing the same. It's awesome to see the awareness raised and I find those things to be very supportive. However it kind of breaks my heart knowing there are so many out there suffering from other kinds of cancers and they don't get to experience that kind of support. As I told her I think so much of that stems from the statistics since breast cancer affects 1 in 8 women. At any rate it certainly makes me more aware to be supportive of those that I know who have other types of cancer and that's even more why I want to continue to support events like Relay for Life. Everyone should feel the love!

My appointment got bumped as my doctor was tied up in surgery. Fortunately I got the message so just hung out at the mall. There was just one other gal and I in the waiting room at first. We struck up conversation and she shared that she had just had a complete hysterectomy and bilateral mastectomies while in her early thirties all because she carries the gene. She has no cancer yet, did all of that to prevent it. The poor dear. She said she has just finished her reconstruction but not without complications. At one point she mentioned her sister has had 17 surgeries, I am guessing also for the same reasons but we didn't get that far before I was called back.

All looks great for me. Stay the course, keep the drains in and see him back in about 10 days as he will be out of town all of next week.If my drainage drops enough I can pull the drains. As I left I saw the gal who I saw at the first of the week who was so frustrated. She is still having complications but it was good to see that she was much more upbeat this week. I was feeling horrible for her last week.

I left and as I headed to the elevator I heard someone running. The first gal I had spoken with came running to catch me to invite me to a Face Book  group she is part of. She said she has kind of been private about her experience but likes this group because it's a closed group and offers her a lot of support. Also because she has had complications she doesn't want for her story to scare others about the whole experience. I swear I could just sit and visit with these women for hours. You learn so much! To me it is very comforting to be able to offer each other support and to learn from one another. As I drove home I shed a few tears. Every time I speak with these women it truly reinforces how spoiled and fortunate I am. I know that many of them don't have near the support that I have experienced. It also confirms that although my journey has had it's bumps in the road really it has not been bad at all. Again, the feeling of guilt kicked in an my tears were for those much less fortunate than me.

In the midst of my day I received a text from another gal I know. She is doing great as she's over half way through her radiation treatments. I guess it was just sort of a cancer survivor networking sort of a day!

Like crazy fools Brad and I bundled up and went to Brody's football game. It was pouring and so cold and windy. It was less than an appealing plan but I couldn't stand the fact that I had either had pneumonia or was too fresh after surgery to go to any of his games. I had not yet even seen my son in his uniform. Although it was miserable I am so glad we went! He looks quite handsome in all his gear!

Monday, October 1, 2012

Monday, October 1, 2012

It's October and officially breast cancer awareness month. Since I know I've drilled into all of you to get checked out today I would ask you to ask at least two women in your life if they have had their yearly check ups and scheduled their mammograms. By networking we can cover a whole lot more territory. Besides if they schedule now they will get them in before the end of the year and hopefully they will be paid 100%!!!

Great check up this morning with the plastic surgeon. Was a little skeptical about driving myself there but did just fine.  Surgeon says all continues to look great. Soft area on the left side is not fluid build up so maybe just that my skin has gotten used to the stretching and isn't so tight. Still way too much out of my drains. He wants to see me Friday no matter what because he will be out of town all of next week. He was going to just see me on an as needed basis but decided to be extra cautious and I'm good with that. While he's gone my regular surgeon is on call which is awesome should I have any questions because he knows me well. I asked if the pain around the drains that I occasionally experience could be spasms. It only occurred a couple of times the entire time after my mastectomies but has happened several times since this surgery. He confirmed that and said it could also be a small clot trying to pass thru the drain. My activity is as tolerated including lifting so I can gradually increase that. I have asked about any specific exercises but am just to gradually increase my activity. My range of motion is great and has been for some time, maybe a little slow but I can do it!

I finally remembered to ask how much fluid he placed in the expanders during surgery. He said 350cc each side. That's quite a bit so no wonder I was so sore to begin with. I know some women who have only had 150cc. I'm glad though because the expander he used for me holds about 550 but can be overfilled which he commonly does. That means I'm over half way there!  He said it will be up to me when we start fills once the drains are out-I can start right away, can wait a few weeks or can wait months. I am all about one step at a time so just want to focus on getting the drains out.

Last week a distant cousin had bilateral mastectomies and a good friend's mother had her lumpectomy. Both got great news, no lymph node involvement. So relieved for both of them!

Last night Brad's family received some devastating news. One of his young cousins was in a terrible car accident and it was hours until he was discovered. Hypothermia had set in and he had severe injuries. Although he received excellent care at a major trauma center he didn't survive. Once again I am asking for you to keep them in your prayers as it will be a long healing process as they deal with this loss. It's always tough to lose someone but especially someone so young.